Real Mogambo Laugh (RML)

 July 18, 2012   Mogambo Guru

I always get a Real Mogambo Laugh (RML), the one famous for dripping with scorn and disrespect, when someone, like Ben "Mental Case" Bernanke of the Federal Reserve, says that inflation is good because it makes your fixed debts less burdensome.

Of course, a classic Real Mogambo Laugh (RML) contains a lot of coughing and gagging and spitting up as a result of laughing while being so angry at such stunning, senseless stupidity, so I recommend that you NOT be sitting at your computer at the time, since you will get flecks of what appears to be blood-tinged spittle all over everything, making a big mess.

And if you are also eating a burrito, too, then it's an even bigger mess, making the whole "inflation thing" a LOT more unpleasant. Trust me. Ugh.

So the next time somebody says that inflation is some kind of wonderful thing, you, as a bona fide Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR), are entitled to laugh loudly and rudely, perhaps also using a Real Mogambo Laugh (RML) to express your extreme displeasure.

To be completely fair, I guess, inflation DOES make the actual debt itself less burdensome, but at the expense of everything else going up in price. To this unhappy result, I again say "Hahahaha!", which is another Real Mogambo Laugh (RML)!

If you are like most people, you are saying "Shut the hell up, Mogambo! We don't like you or your stupid theories! Ben Bernanke is the chairman of the Federal Reserve, while you are just a creepy old man hanging around the mall and bothering people."

Instead of respecting your privacy and bowing gracefully from the scene, let me give you an example. 

Let's say you used to spend $9,000 a year in mortgage payments on your $100k house, and you spent $20,000 for food, energy, cars and those tasty little things that aren't really "food" because they are seemingly nothing but high-fructose corn syrup, simulated chocolate and various chemicals. Sometimes with nuts. And/or caramel. Actually, both, usually.

Anyway, just about the time you are finishing your wonderful candy bar and considering eating another, along comes the inflation that is supposed to solve your problems.  Soon, you still only spend $9,000 a year in mortgage payments, but you have to spend $2,000,000 a year to buy food, energy and the aforementioned tasty "food" products!  Congratulations!  I say "Hahahaha!" which is yet another Real Mogambo Laugh (RML)!

It is exactly here, in my screeching and tiresome tirade, that I will handily sum up: You used to spend a combined $29,000 for mortgage, food and energy, but now you have to spend $2,009,000 a year!  Again, I say "Hahahaha!" which is more Real Mogambo Laugh (RML)!

And, to put a little icing on the inflation cake for you, if you ever decide to buy another house and move out of your old, debt-fixed-at-$100,000 house, it will cost a billion dollars for the next one, whereas you will be lucky to get a half-billion for your old house! 

So (pardon my laughing and coughing and gagging) how, exactly, did inflation "save" anybody?  I say "Hahahaha!" which is more Real Mogambo Laugh (RML)!

And this is all, all, all blithely ignoring all the other many, many, many ugly, ugly, ugly things that happen because of inflation in prices, a terrible economic fate which is so frighteningly horrific that the Founding Fathers specifically addressed it in the Constitution of the United States by requiring that money be only of silver and gold, which prevents an expansion of the money supply (money inflation), and thus automatically prevents generalized price inflation.

Unfortunately, this important -- verily vital! -- anti-inflation device was nullified by a treacherous Supreme Court in the '30s, and upheld by every treacherous Supreme Court since, but which is a sad, sad story for another day.

So, I am aghast that anyone would ever -- ever! -- advocate for higher inflation in prices, especially Ben "Lame Brain" Bernanke of the Federal Reserve, who has actually implemented a program of setting a deliberate "inflation target" of at least 2%, according to laughable statistics that he cooks up himself, and is already pressing for an inflation target higher than that! Gaaahhh!

Deliberately creating inflation in prices!  It's so staggeringly unfathomable, and all so terrifyingly real, that it is, finally, for me, a guy heretofore called Laughing Boy Mogambo (LBM) but now called Weeping Doofus Mogambo (WDM), beyond laughing.

It is Far Too Late (FTL) to do anything to save the economy at this point, as certainly implied by the phrase We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)!  The only thing left to laugh about, as far as I can see, is how easy it is to buy gold, silver and oil, and how completely certain are the wonderful financial windfalls accruing to those who do so!

A that I say "Whee!", relieved to be laughing once again, at long last, after suffering through the last few gloomy paragraphs without one.  "This investing stuff is easy!"