Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Big Mogambo Plans (BMP)

July 31, 2012  Mogambo Guru

As a loving, thoughtful, devoted father and husband, I occasionally have a thought for my loving family. Not entirely free of selfish intention, I hope that the wife and kids would see what a terrific dad and husband I am, decide that they have been wrong about me all this time, and that out of sheer gratitude, if nothing else, they would stop being such big pains in my Huge Mogambo Ass (HMA).

I know that my fantasy world of "Leave me alone and get out of my way!" is impossible to actually achieve, in that almost everything you can name (except playing golf and consuming something that is tasty, perhaps something delicious in either the "fried" or "sweet" categories) seems to be a royal pain in my HMA these days.

But, as seemingly always with Big Mogambo Plans (BMP), things started going awry right away. 

It started, innocently enough, at breakfast, when I merely asked, in a casually offhand way, that everyone please sign a simple, common, everyday, nothing-special, standard Mogambo Loyalty Oath (MLO) which, they did not even suspect (suckers!), secretly binds them contractually to obey my every command.

Their responses to my suggestion were immediate, and they were all very, very loud and very, very completely against it.

This is too bad, because I need to get complete and utter control over the kids, because what they don't understand -- although I tell them over and over! -- is that it is absolutely necessary for them all to work, work, work, ignoring child-labor laws to earn slave-labor wages working 18 hours a day in some stinking illegal sweatshop, so that we, as a family (me), can buy more gold, silver and oil to capitalize on the horrifying inflation in prices that is sure to come because the evil Federal Reserve is creating So Stinking Much (SSM) excess money and credit.

You can see how this is such a terrific, fool-proof plan that I naturally called it Terrific Mogambo Plan (TMP).

But, believe it or not, when I brought up the Terrific Mogambo Plan (TMP), their rude protestations were vexing indeed, even though I cleverly interrupted their cruel, cacophonous carping by gently reminding them that they should "Shut the hell up!", explaining "Only then will you be able to hear any more terrific, yet seldom heard,  phrases like 'vexing indeed'! And by having gold, silver and oil in our possession, the effects of inflation and suffering caused by the evil, demonic Federal Reserve creating so much money and credit, will pass us by!   And isn't there something in the Bible about how being passed over by financial death is a good thing? What are you, atheists, too?"

I could see by the way they stared blankly at me that this new, religious-themed line of argument had reduced them to slack-jawed awe. Quickly seizing the advantage, I continued "And so isn't it thus some obscure religious duty of yours where, and I again quote from somewhere else in the Bible, 'Children shall shut up and do as they are told'?"

Well, a long and nasty debate ensued.   It was mostly about how Biblically-illiterate I was, how "blasphemy" was henceforth disallowed at the breakfast table, and that (by the lopsided vote of a bunch of biased, ignorant morons) I am the anti-Christ.

The biased vote also went against me in debating the resolution that "The Federal Reserve has been creating gigantic amounts of credit and money since 1987 when that arch-bastard Alan Greenspan took over the chairmanship of the Federal Reserve and continuing today under the leadership of that economic horse's ass, Ben Bernanke -- 25 years of monetary debasement! -- leading to the inescapable conclusion that we should be panicked into buying more gold, silver and oil like all the other intelligent people in history when their economies got as bad as this because their governments got to be as bad as this, and that anybody who says differently is a halfwitted, moron, lowlife, piece of stinking dog turd."

I know what you are thinking, because I was thinking it myself! You are asking yourself "How could anyone vote against such a wonderful proposition to buy gold, silver and oil, as so charmingly and wittily postulated by the Wonderful, Marvelous Mogambo (WMM), unless they were, indeed, a halfwitted, moron, lowlife, pieces of stinking dog turds?"

Beyond proving either that democracy does not always work, or that my kids are a bunch of halfwitted, moron, lowlife, pieces of stinking dog turds, which I have often suspected, this whole sorry episode is but an ugly prelude to the day when they will rue their lazy, selfish, me-me-me-centric decision not to work themselves into early graves for the sake of the family (me).

And it is too bad, too, because on that special day that they will hear the Happy Laugh Of The Mogambo (HLOTM) ringing in their ears because I HAVE been buying gold, silver and oil, like all the other intelligent people that ever existed in the world when their economies got like this because their governments got like this, with or without either the help or approval of any damned kids because, to use a line from Portnoy's Complaint, "The way it works around here, in case you ain't heard, is that I am the boss, and I call the shots!"

Thus, any unilateral decision to buy gold, silver and oil becomes so easy, so obvious and so seemingly guaranteed that you veritably chortle with glee "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Friday, July 27, 2012

Mogambo Sure-Fire Defensive-Posture Bunker (MSFDPB),

Something woke me up. I don't know what. Something, though.

But once awake, it seemed to me that it was strangely quiet. And before you ask, the answer is "Yes. It is TOO quiet," which unfailingly means that something bad, usually something VERY bad, is just about to happen, like (as I learned from decades of watching TV) getting attacked with guns and/or arrows.

So, naturally, I instinctively ran to the periscope and quickly scanned the perimeter of the Mogambo Sure-Fire Defensive-Posture Bunker (MSFDPB), naturally expecting the worst. Flames. Riots. Mushroom clouds rising up in the distance. Flying saucers shooting rays at things that then explode. I dunno what. But something like that.

And if not the worst, then something almost as bad, because I happen to know at least the bare rudiments of the Austrian Business Cycle Theory, and I have heard of Milton Friedman, and thus I know what happens when the money supply is hyper-inflated, as has been done in the US and in EU for years and years, explaining why the Mogambo Fearfulness Meter (MFM) is redlined, with the needle pegged.

With trembling hands and nimble feet, I hurriedly spun the periscope the full 360, but saw no real enemies, at least none that I couldn't handily take care of by yelling "Hey! Neighbor!  Are you finally buying any gold, silver and oil to protect yourself from the inevitable inflationary catastrophe caused by the Federal Reserve, foreign central banks, the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund creating so much money and credit?  Don't you realize that inflation in prices is going to soar to horrific levels and absolutely destroy the economy in some ugly hyperinflationary collapse, like it always has for the last few thousand years Without Freaking Fail (WFF) because of all this new money?  What are you, some kind of brain-damaged nitwit who can only understand things if I come over there and scream in your face or accidentally shoot your stupid garbage cans full of bullet holes?"

These days, they always go back into their houses, being careful to not make any sudden moves that could startle me, and keeping their hands where I can see them.

Like I said; nothing I can't take care of. 

It was only later that I discovered that the reason for the unnatural silence is that the staggering national debt (now an astonishing $16 trillion) is ballooning at an unbelievable, terrifying speed, and is going up at the Exact Same Time (EST) as Consumer Installment Debt is rapidly going up!

I punctuated that sentence with an exclamation point because I was surprised. I would have bet that with the economy declining, sales falling, losses mounting, incomes stagnating, consumer prices rising, and everyone worried about their jobs or lack thereof, people would not be running up any more debt.

I was, to my complete embarrassment, wrong.

In the latest Fed report, as summarized by the Wall Street Journal, Consumer Installment Debt was rising at an 8% annual rate, really galloping along, and is now back up to a staggering, horrifying total consumer debt of $2.57 trillion dollars! Trillions!

Now attuned to subtle nuances of punctuation, you no doubt noticed that those last sentences ended with exclamation points for added emphasis, calling your attention to the fact that with irrational behavior like this, there was never any doubt that We're Freaking Doomed (WFD).  

I realize that there are people, perhaps you, who would prefer using bland, "full stop" periods as punctuation, additionally pointing out, in a cruel, snotty way, that my redundant use of "Trillions!" was stupid and pointless, and that, speaking of points, you are deducting points from my final score, to which I say "What points? What in the hell are you talking about? Screw you!"

But you would use exclamation points, too, if you knew, like I knew, and still know, and now you know, too, in case you did not know, that the Wall Street Journal neglected to mention an important fact, probably because they are afraid.

They are afraid that you would be so terrified that you would immediately have a heart attack, or your brain would explode, falling screaming to the floor, clutching your chest or head as the case may be, perishing in writhing, crushing agony and unbearable torment, and your survivors would not be inclined to renew your Wall Street Journal subscription.

In short, nobody wins from printing the whole truth, except maybe your bereaved wife and kids, and your hateful neighbors, and relatives, and people who hate you, and you hate them back, even though neither of you can remember why you hate each other.

Wait a minute! I remember! I remember why I hate that guy! Hey! I hate that guy!

Anyway, the crucial bit of information left out of the Journal's article is that Consumer Installment Debt reached its peak in 2008 at just under $2.6 trillion, after rising from $725 billion in 1992 which was -- do the math yourself! -- more than tripling -- tripling! -- in a mere 16 years!

Interestingly, Consumer Installment Debt never really fell much below $2.4 trillion after reaching its last peak in 2008, with consumers paying off a lousy $200 billion of their massive debt over the last 4 years, a pittance when compared to the fabled "the consumer is deleveraging/paying down debt" nonsense and lies of the last few years.

So, alarmingly and in keeping with the theme of We're Freaking Doomed (WFD) that hangs like a big ol' nasty fart in a tiny elevator, Consumer Installment Debt is now back up to $2.57 trillion, very nearly back its old back-breaking record level reached in 2008, while government debt is up to a massive $16 trillion, up from less than $10 trillion in 2008!  Gaaahhh! It's all too insane! Insane, I tells ya!

No matter how you look at it, with monetary and financial insanity like that, Something Very Bad (SVB) is going to happen pretty soon, whereupon you will clearly remember my constantly urging you put all your money into gold, silver and oil, and your face will burn in shame that you ignored me, probably thinking to yourself "Why should I listen to this Raving Lunatic Mogambo (RLM) just because the last 4,500 years of multitudes of various rulers and governments borrowing themselves into debt, especially with a fiat currency, bears a vast, glorious, incandescent proof to such Profound Mogambo Profundity (PMP)?

"And," I imagine you continuing on, "why should I buy gold, silver and oil just because it has always been a good idea to exchange devaluing things for gold and silver?  Hasn't anybody ever heard of the phrase 'Past performance is not an indicator of future performance'?  This means that just because it has ALWAYS happened ALL the other times in history when any government was so stupid, so ignorant, so corrupt, and so incompetent as to greatly expand the money supply, it does NOT mean that it will happen again.  So maybe catastrophe will not happen this one time, once in all of history, for no particular reason!"

Well, to be honest, I am not sure what you were thinking, but you SHOULD have been thinking "And thus it has always been! Thus, I see it now!  Always the exact same story! And to hear wise counsel to buy gold, silver and oil is Damned Good Advice (DGA), too, dropping, as it does, like pearls before swine such as I! 

"Thus enlightened, yet insulted to be compared to a pig, I shall happily buy the aforementioned gold, silver and oil, and soon be thankful that I did, yet destined to be disappointed that I did not buy more than I do!"

One day soon, you will rue your rash decision not to follow such Fabulous Mogambo Advice (FMA), deciding instead to send me rude emails, saying things like "You are a stupid ugly man that everyone hates, and I hate you, too, and I wish I could spit in your food and throw things at you when you aren't looking," as if I don't already get enough of that at home, but thanks for thinking of me, mom.

On the other hand, you may be cheered to know that one day, maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life (so kiss me, Ingrid Bergman, and put some tongue in it this time, baby!) you will have the leisure of having nothing else to do except think about how miserable and broke you are, and you will entertain yourself by idly trying to calculate how much money you would have made if you had listened to me and bought gold, silver and oil. It is then that you will have an exciting, "talk-about-it-at-dinner-moment" when you look at the result and say "Wow! That much?" to yourself at the astonishing answer.

Then, soon after that, you will still have another big block of time to fill and, still miserable, still broke, and still with lots of time on your hands, you will idly wonder how much money was made by people who DID heed the aforementioned Fabulous Mogambo Advice (FMA) to buy gold, silver and oil at these bargain prices.

Well, I am happy to tell you that you can stop wondering how much wealth!  I'll tell you how much!  Enough that they will sit in air-conditioned luxury behind the blacked-out windows of their long, fancy bullet-proof limousines as they speed past you, on their way to fun and fancy parties, or to fun, fancy beachside mansions, or something else equally fab-fab-fabulous and fun, while everyone ignores you laying there in the gutter.

And if you listen carefully as they hurtle by in their shiny new cars, you may be able to hear them scornfully laughing at you for having been so oblivious and ignorant that you missed the most obvious, most important and most profitable investments of your Whole Freaking Life (WFL).

As a preview, their condescending, scornful laughter will probably sound like this: "Hahahahahahaha!"

If it makes you feel any better, they will secretly pity you.  Laughing at you with contempt and disgust, yes, but pitying you, too.

Or, as an alternative, you could buy gold, silver and oil now, too, and be just like them. Maybe even rule them with a dictatorial iron fist, turning them all into your unholy army of the night, mindlessly doing your nefarious bidding.

Well, I'm not a very smart guy, but I know which option I prefer! Hahaha!

And especially so since buying them is such a snap!  As a reader once quoted me as saying, but me having no memory of it, it's as easy as "Here's my money. Give me my metal!"

And is that why buying them leads one to happily exclaim, as you are walking back to your car, precious metals in hand, "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Real Mogambo Laugh (RML)

 July 18, 2012   Mogambo Guru

I always get a Real Mogambo Laugh (RML), the one famous for dripping with scorn and disrespect, when someone, like Ben "Mental Case" Bernanke of the Federal Reserve, says that inflation is good because it makes your fixed debts less burdensome.

Of course, a classic Real Mogambo Laugh (RML) contains a lot of coughing and gagging and spitting up as a result of laughing while being so angry at such stunning, senseless stupidity, so I recommend that you NOT be sitting at your computer at the time, since you will get flecks of what appears to be blood-tinged spittle all over everything, making a big mess.

And if you are also eating a burrito, too, then it's an even bigger mess, making the whole "inflation thing" a LOT more unpleasant. Trust me. Ugh.

So the next time somebody says that inflation is some kind of wonderful thing, you, as a bona fide Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR), are entitled to laugh loudly and rudely, perhaps also using a Real Mogambo Laugh (RML) to express your extreme displeasure.

To be completely fair, I guess, inflation DOES make the actual debt itself less burdensome, but at the expense of everything else going up in price. To this unhappy result, I again say "Hahahaha!", which is another Real Mogambo Laugh (RML)!

If you are like most people, you are saying "Shut the hell up, Mogambo! We don't like you or your stupid theories! Ben Bernanke is the chairman of the Federal Reserve, while you are just a creepy old man hanging around the mall and bothering people."

Instead of respecting your privacy and bowing gracefully from the scene, let me give you an example. 

Let's say you used to spend $9,000 a year in mortgage payments on your $100k house, and you spent $20,000 for food, energy, cars and those tasty little things that aren't really "food" because they are seemingly nothing but high-fructose corn syrup, simulated chocolate and various chemicals. Sometimes with nuts. And/or caramel. Actually, both, usually.

Anyway, just about the time you are finishing your wonderful candy bar and considering eating another, along comes the inflation that is supposed to solve your problems.  Soon, you still only spend $9,000 a year in mortgage payments, but you have to spend $2,000,000 a year to buy food, energy and the aforementioned tasty "food" products!  Congratulations!  I say "Hahahaha!" which is yet another Real Mogambo Laugh (RML)!

It is exactly here, in my screeching and tiresome tirade, that I will handily sum up: You used to spend a combined $29,000 for mortgage, food and energy, but now you have to spend $2,009,000 a year!  Again, I say "Hahahaha!" which is more Real Mogambo Laugh (RML)!

And, to put a little icing on the inflation cake for you, if you ever decide to buy another house and move out of your old, debt-fixed-at-$100,000 house, it will cost a billion dollars for the next one, whereas you will be lucky to get a half-billion for your old house! 

So (pardon my laughing and coughing and gagging) how, exactly, did inflation "save" anybody?  I say "Hahahaha!" which is more Real Mogambo Laugh (RML)!

And this is all, all, all blithely ignoring all the other many, many, many ugly, ugly, ugly things that happen because of inflation in prices, a terrible economic fate which is so frighteningly horrific that the Founding Fathers specifically addressed it in the Constitution of the United States by requiring that money be only of silver and gold, which prevents an expansion of the money supply (money inflation), and thus automatically prevents generalized price inflation.

Unfortunately, this important -- verily vital! -- anti-inflation device was nullified by a treacherous Supreme Court in the '30s, and upheld by every treacherous Supreme Court since, but which is a sad, sad story for another day.

So, I am aghast that anyone would ever -- ever! -- advocate for higher inflation in prices, especially Ben "Lame Brain" Bernanke of the Federal Reserve, who has actually implemented a program of setting a deliberate "inflation target" of at least 2%, according to laughable statistics that he cooks up himself, and is already pressing for an inflation target higher than that! Gaaahhh!

Deliberately creating inflation in prices!  It's so staggeringly unfathomable, and all so terrifyingly real, that it is, finally, for me, a guy heretofore called Laughing Boy Mogambo (LBM) but now called Weeping Doofus Mogambo (WDM), beyond laughing.

It is Far Too Late (FTL) to do anything to save the economy at this point, as certainly implied by the phrase We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)!  The only thing left to laugh about, as far as I can see, is how easy it is to buy gold, silver and oil, and how completely certain are the wonderful financial windfalls accruing to those who do so!

A that I say "Whee!", relieved to be laughing once again, at long last, after suffering through the last few gloomy paragraphs without one.  "This investing stuff is easy!"

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Precious Mogambo Time (PMT)

July 13, 2012   Mogambo Guru

So there I am, minding my own business, standing in my own front yard, yelling at my stupid neighbor "Mental problems? I don't have any mental problems, you whacko! You are the one with serious mental problems! You are the one who is NOT buying gold, silver and oil, even when the nasty Federal Reserve is creating trillions of dollars in new money and credit per year, Right In Front Of Your Stupid Eyes (RIFOYSE), you moron!"

So he calmly replies, with a snotty tone of annoyance in his voice, "This is NOT about me or your mental problems. It's about your stupid Mogambo Bunker Of Doom (MBOD) and how you painted it."

Painted it?  I look over my shoulder at the MBOD and suddenly realize that I, in a clever-yet-forgotten ploy to strike fear into any enemies, had painted "Eat Death!" on the side of it.

I instantly recognized the ambiguity of it all, perhaps explaining my neighbor's complaint. "Eat Death"? What the hell was I thinking?

Embarrassed to learn that I was at least partially responsible for the whole unpleasant brouhaha, I cleverly changed the subject by saying "Go to hell, you moron!" and went back into the house, satisfied that, once again, I have managed to maintain good relations with the neighbors.

It would seem, then, in light of my sincerest efforts to be nice to Earthlings that I secretly loathe, that there is no reason for them to still hate me, but they do!

And it's because they are a bunch of halfwits and lowlife scumbags who are not buying gold, silver and oil, even though I have wasted hours upon hours of my Precious Mogambo Time (PMT) telling them that very thing ("You are a bunch of halfwits and lowlife scumbags who are not buying gold, silver and oil!").

Their animosity is, therefore, explained by them painfully seeing that I was correct the whole time about gold, silver and oil, which means that , by logical extension, I was correct about them, too: They ARE a bunch of halfwits and lowlife scumbags! Hahaha!

I hope that this explanation clears up all those unfounded allegations, made by screwball neighbors, of my having mental problems.

And for reasons that are completely, utterly disconnected from the whole constellation of mental problems that make me so paranoid, cynical, hateful, greedy, nasty, a failure as a father, a sub-par husband, and so-so golfer, I do not hesitate to suggest that you buy gold, silver and oil.

Why oil? Well, the last person to ask me that particular question was Larry, at work, and fortunately, I still have my exact response, transcribed verbatim, in the transcript of the Grievance Committee hearing about it, where we learned that "Big Crybaby" Larry's precious little feelings were hurt. Awww.

First, the record shows that we all agree that my reply was the pithy and succinct "Because I said so, you halfwitted moron!"  

In my defense, the record clearly shows that my remarks are fully justified because Larry IS a halfwitted dumb-ass moron who does not know what he should do, and wouldn't understand it if I told him for the thousandth time why he should be buying oil stocks.

Thus, I knew that Larry could not understand all the real reasons why he should "buy oil," especially since it was actually unnecessary for him to know why, or why he was going to prosper as a result of following my terrific advice.

As a bonus, in a demonstration of raw productivity that made America great, I was also simultaneously trying to give the company's productivity a boost, thus improving our "bottom line", by getting Larry back to his dead-end job as quickly as possible by stopping him from wasting time by asking questions.

None of this is in the transcript, including where I noted that I could win the Employee of the Month award if Larry just blindly obeyed me and carried out my every command, like he should.

Actually, the reason to buy oil is primarily because it is such a bargain, coming out of the ground almost ready-to-go, with a massive net-energy-per-unit-volume ratio, it is so critically necessary to such a wide range of economically-vital uses, and because of, oh, so many, many other compelling reasons that instead of listing them all, I will use an exclamation point to indicate a surplus of OTHER perfectly-good reasons to buy oil!

Especially when one considers the interesting factoid that China is adding more cars to its roads per month than America produces in a year!

Gold. Silver. Oil. It's so simple that I laugh out loud, squealing in an excited childish glee that embarrasses the wife and kids when I do it, "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

So Freaking Obvious (SFO)

July 9 2012

I have long argued, until my throat is raspy and raw from rudely calling people "imbeciles", "halfwits" and "low-life morons", that facts and figures don't lie, and from them one learns, to one's paralyzing horror, that We're Freaking Doomed (WFD).

Of course, being brought up on a steady diet of television and movies, I always thought that the world would end with an invasion from outer space, maybe with aliens sucking our blood for the hemoglobin or invading our brains so that we become slaves, and the best we can hope for is to be ruled by beautiful hot-looking young women running around in skimpy outfits, as sometimes happened.

More probably, though, the end of the world would be fire-breathing monsters rising up from beneath the ocean, going on a murderous worldwide rampage after succeeding, where all other monsters have failed, in finally destroying Tokyo by stomping all over it and burning it up with laser beams shooting out of their eyes --  zzzt!  -- and we, hopefully, somehow, end up getting ruled by hot-looking babes parading around in high-heel shoes and very skimpy outfits.

It was only when I grew older that I learned, with a certain joylessness about the relative lack of pretty girls in skimpy outfits in the real world, of the actual reason why we are all inescapably doomed: A central bank creating so much money and credit over the years that the entire fabric of the economy changes into a disgusting mutant economy, everything horribly twisted and distorted, totally dependent upon government spending, riddled with corruptions, pandemic mal-investments and constant inflation in consumer prices.

Of course, I may be wrong in my cheery optimism, and it could be far, far worse.

Did I say "could be" worse?  Hahaha! That just shows you what a wonderful, delightful sense of humor I have!   How come nobody likes me and are all out to get me?

The truth is that it WILL be worse! Much worse! Unimaginably worse! Hahaha!

Notice how I bravely laugh in the face of disaster! Hahahaha! My arrogant bravado is real this time, and not like that time I lied when I said "Baby, I don't care if your dad catches us, just gimme some of that hot monkey love!"

Well, it turns out that I did not laugh when her dad actually caught us, but I laugh now because I know what is going to happen because the demonic central banks of the world are creating insane amounts of money and credit, on top of the staggering mountains of money, credit and debt they created over the decades, in yet disastrously more of their ridiculous and preposterous neo-Keynesian quackery.

And because I know what is going to happen, I am naturally hunkering down with some serious weaponry and a "don't trust anyone" attitude, hoarding gold, silver and oil, which gives me the courage to laugh the aforesaid laughs at the similarly aforesaid preposterous monetary crap of the Federal Reserve, the aforesaid idiotic foreign central banks for the same reason, and the laughably-inept and deeply-corrupt aforesaid federal government.

Few others will laugh, however, as they are, one-by-one, busted-out by inflation, and are finally reduced to scratching around in the dirt looking weeds and bugs to eat.

And their complete lack of humor about starving to death will be because they did not buy gold, silver and oil in reaction to all the inflation in consumer prices, which is what I typically screech about in absolute horror, that will be caused by all that new money and credit created for the last half-century by the evil Federal Reserve, and still being created to the tune of trillions of dollars a year today.

Even worse, as in "making my guts crawl with horror," most of all those trillions of dollars created by the Federal Reserve were borrowed by the federal government, to be deficit-spent by one idiotic Congress after another, until we are now bankrupted from accrued debt, which is assuming nothing bad happens, which it will.

Now, bankrupted is one thing, but inflation is quite another, and so let us take a look at an essay titled "Deflation - Nowhere To Be Seen" by Adrian Douglas of Market Force Analysis.

He has looked at the Continuous Commodities Index over the past ten years, and found that "in examining price trends, the U.S. is experiencing shocking price increases" in prices.

Indeed, as his chart shows, the CCI was at about 200 in 2002, and at 550 in the middle of 2012, which is a rise of 275%!  In ten years! Ten Lousy Years (TLY)!

This 275% rise in prices over a short ten years calculates out to a mind-blowing, yearly, compounded inflation of 10.65%!  The Rule of 72 says that prices will double in less than 7 years!

As completely astounding and as morbidly terrifying as it is, I scream in yet more terror that the CCI at 550 is still lower than a cyclical peak of about 640 reached 2008, and another peak of about 680 in 2011!!

Please notice the use of two exclamation points to indicate particular emphasis.  This obviously means something, and the presence of two exclamation points cinches it!  This is Bad News Aplenty (BNA)!

But what is the BNA? Switching to a snotty, sarcastic tone, I say "In case you are new around here and ain't heard, or are brain-damaged, it means We're Freaking Doomed (WFD), ya moron! Hahahaha!"

Like a drowning man clutching at straws, you nervously ask "So what is the CCI? Maybe there is something wrong there! Maybe this is not as hopeless as it looks, and the Mogambo is a big fat stupid jerk for being afraid of nothing! Id' love that!"

I'm glad you asked that question instead of asking me one that I can't answer because either I don't know the answer or I am pleading the Fifth, as in answering the query "Where in the hell were you until two o'clock in the morning?"

In this case, thanks to your fortuitous question, I can just cut and paste the answer from Mr. Douglas's essay, which is that "The CCI is an index of 17 different commodities namely: Cocoa, Coffee ‘C’, Copper, Corn, Cotton, Crude Oil, Gold, Heating Oil, Live Cattle, Live Hogs, Natural Gas, Orange Juice, Platinum, Silver, Soybeans, Sugar No. 11, and Wheat."

As to your question about "Maybe something is wrong with the way the index is calculated, and it makes things just look bad, and so Mogambo is a big fat stupid jerk after all!", Mr. Douglas deftly anticipates it, and punctures your slim hope by explaining that "The index is equally weighted so it is the geometric mean of these 17 commodity prices. This means that the price of the CCI cannot spike due to an increase in price of just one or two commodities. For the index to rise 10% all 17 components would need to rise 10% or one component would have to rise 500%. If oil were to rise tomorrow to $400/bbl and all other 16 components did not change in price, the index would only rise by 10%."

His next sentence is the one that should send you screaming in terror, jumping into your car, careening wildly down the street to buy more gold, silver and oil.

He says "This means that the CCI is a stable indicator of price trends."

Buying gold, silver and oil in the face of price inflation of more than 10% year, and in the face of yet more rampant, irresponsible, insane amounts of money-creation by the Federal Reserve and the other central banks of the world, is So Freaking Obvious (SFO) that one can only chortle with unrestrained glee, happily chanting "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Mogambo Bunker Of Solitude (MBOS),

Alone in the Mogambo Bunker Of Solitude (MBOS), I crouch like a cornered rat in, as expected, the corner of the darkened room, hunched over a pizza-stained keyboard nestled behind crates of ammo, where I peck out my usual Hysterical Mogambo Tirade (HMT), which I have to do because when I confront people face-to-face at the stupid mall or at the stupid grocery store -- to give them the exact same information! -- they get all huffy!  Cops are suddenly everywhere! Guns! Tazers! Pepper spray! Lawyers!

Pretty soon you are thinking "Just don't taze me, bro'!", and it is at that moment that you are no longer productively using your time preaching The Gospel Of The Mogambo (TGOTM), quoting such investment gems as  "Behold my words, halfwitted loser morons! Verily should thee buy gold, silver and oil as a prosperous line of defense against the destructive evils and travails of unfettered money creation, which forsooth leads to roaring, demonic inflation in prices, which will destroy us all in its murderous flames, as fearlessly proclaimed by The Mighty Mogambo (TMM) himself when he said 'We're Freaking Doomed (WFD) you halfwitted loser morons'!"

But now, writing my typical Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC) instead of directly haranguing and pestering people with it, I constantly have the overwhelming urge to read what I have just written ("Bah! Rubbish!") and quote from the Declaration of Independence about how the evil British government, against which the American colonists were rebelling at the time, "has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance."

As an aside, I always thought that "swarms" of parasites that "eat out the substance" of people would make a good sci-fi movie, especially if it had beautiful ladies prancing around in short skirts and who have devilish gleams in their eyes that unmistakably say "I want you, my Hot Mogambo Stud (HMS)! Who? This guy? He's just an actor! It’s you that I really want! Take me, Mogambo! I'm yours!"

But it was actually an informative email from a Canadian Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) named Phil S. that got me thinking of it this time, and although the actual content of his email eludes me now, I distinctly remember that I thought I was being quite clever and, you know, like, dude, so erudite when I responded to his message with -- you guessed it! --that very quote!

With your razor-sharp brain already galvanized to action by adrenaline to fight-or-flight alertness by the preceding terrifying statistics, you have undoubtedly noticed that all the references to the government's "multitude of new offices" from which is "sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance" have occurred three times in the last four paragraphs!

Three times! And the only paragraph that didn't was, instead, a terrific movie plot and deadly-accurate description of the government sucking the life out of you like some huge, glistening maggot, disgustingly slurping and gobbling you up, bit by slimy bit.

Three times! I mean, what are the chances of that? Astronomical! And yet, there it is! Proof!

Or perhaps it is just a replay of the last 4,500 years of history when innumerable, unremembered governments and kings despicably borrowed themselves into bankruptcy, and the awful things they did while uselessly flailing about in despicable desperation and panic.

So it's, sadly, again coming down to a stark choice between being eaten alive by price inflation and huge, mutant maggots, or, instead, prospering like royalty of old when gold and silver skyrocket in price because of all the price inflation from all the new money and credit created by the foul Federal Reserve to feed the gaping, deficit-spending maw of the ravenous, bankrupt government, (i.e. huge, mutant maggots), and bankrupt cities, and bankrupt banks, and bankrupt businesses, and bankrupt people.

Suddenly, you realize it's a no-brainer! Gimme that old-time gold and silver!

Whee! This investing stuff is easy!

....My Money (ACWOMM)

I don't seem to give a flying crap about much of anything anymore. Anything, that is, except buying more gold, silver and oil, as what good is dreaming should man's reach exceed his grasp?

I am not sure how that vaguely-remembered quote actually goes, but I remember that I translated it to mean "What good is giving stupid, lazy kids an allowance, which they use for purposes that I suspect is making them even more stupid and rude, and so which makes it obviously A Complete Waste of My Money (ACWOMM), when I could be using that cash to buy more gold, silver and oil so as to achieve MY dreams of getting the hell out of here, getting a snazzy new car and some fancy new clothes when gold, silver and oil soar, soar, SOAR in price thanks to the foul Federal Reserve always creating more and more money and credit which creates inflation in prices?"

In the same vein of rambling, run-one sentences and general stinginess, "Or why should I give the wife a huge grocery budget when she uses most of the money to buy crappy food that is never in the beer, pizza or taco category, that only the stupid kids like to eat, as if I care what they want to eat, and is therefore another example of A Complete Waste of My Money (ACWOMM)?"

I mention this only because this is a perfect metaphor for the crushing size and scope of government, most of which is A Complete Waste of My Money (ACWOMM).

But notice that when times are tough, government keeps on spending!

Not like you when you get laid off from your stupid job, and your wife is whining about you going out and getting another job, but nobody is hiring guys who are old, stupid, completely lacking in any useful skill and do not play well with others.

And yet you want to buy some more gold, silver and oil because the treacherous Federal Reserve is still infamously, tragically, horrifically creating so much more money and credit that ruinous inflation in consumer prices is guaranteed to soar, soar, SOAR, and that's when gold, silver and oil likewise soar, making you millions in profits by buying them now, when they are so low in price, and maybe then she will shut the hell up if you give her a million or a thousand or a couple of hundred bucks, but she is currently grumpy and adamant about eliminating any buying of gold, silver or oil until you get some stupid job.

And you are too gutless, and too wary of government's distressing history of treating its people badly (and evermore so lately!), to borrow the money to buy the gold, silver and oil that you so feverishly, desperately crave, so much so that you can almost taste the huge profits they will bring when price inflation soon roars because of all the outrageous amounts of money created, and still being created by the Federal Reserve!

And, indeed, the staggering amounts of money and credit being created by the other central banks of the world, including the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund (IMF)!

Of course, dollars are being created for many reasons, one of which is that Wikipedia reports that interest on the national debt, a line-item in the federal budget, is scheduled to increase 14% this year!  Yow!

Increase your debt payments by 14% this year and see what happens to YOUR budget!

The difference is thus made plain: Because you are not stupid or crazy, you won't borrow yourself into bankruptcy, and only the federal government is stupid enough, and crazy enough, to borrow itself into bankruptcy by letting the Federal Reserve create so much money to finance such insane levels of deficit-spending, so as to foster such a bloated, cancerous, government-centric, non-profit economy where the various governments are spending $114,000 this year for each private-sector, profit-making worker in the Whole Freaking Country (WFC)!

Alas, after committing such egregious monetary and fiscal sins all these decades, there is nothing that can be done, because if there WAS something that could be done, one of the other million-or-so bankrupted governments in the last 4,500 years of history would have thought of it by now, and they tried everything they could think of, all to literally no avail, in that it always ended badly, usually with (look it up!) lots of screaming and associated ugliness except for people who owned gold and silver.

So, cutting children's allowances and trimming the food budget to free up cash with which to buy gold, silver and oil?  Ahh! Now THERE'S an idea worthy of a Nobel Prize!

And if not a prize, then perhaps I can be consoled with a Huge Freaking Load (HFL) of can't-miss, dead-bang certain riches. We’ll see!

Either way, whee! This investing stuff is easy!