Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR)

Talking to Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) Phil S. about the news that growth in the Chinese economy has slowed and how this is so calamitous, my clever comments were confined mostly to laughing in Contemptuous Mogambo Derision (CMD) at the whole idea, like some conceited hotshot know-it-all, like me, is worried about economic growth in China when the aforementioned conceited hotshot know-it-all knows -- for a fact!  --  that there is almost nothing that can stop China's economic growth.

Why? Because a huge, HUGE chunk of the world's population, unburdened by personal debt and low incomes that are rising, is now demanding dazzling television sets, fancy phones, yummy frozen pizzas, smokin' hot pornography, and, I assume, a big butt-load of tequila and Margarita mix to kind of, you know, top it all off.

I realize that you probably can't readily see that I am going somewhere with this, and you are wondering "I wonder where Mogambo Big Stick (MBS) is going with this? And if I did know, would it be as stupid and banal as everything else MBS has ever said? And since I know that everything ever said by MBS was stupid and banal, what is wrong with ME that I am reading this Worthless Mogambo Crap (WMC) in the first damned place?"

Well, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that there IS something wrong with you, but the good news is that your waiting and wondering is almost over, because it turns out that I really AM going somewhere with this, and that somewhere, after a lot of twisting and turning and finally encompassing the Whole Freaking World (WFW), is to buy gold, silver and oil.

To that end, I note that the Financial Times writes that "China is importing record amounts of crude oil: Beijing needs to fill a bigger gap between surging oil demand and falling domestic oil output."

This is, as you will realize in a moment, the perfect time for the new Mogambo Pop Quiz (MPQ), which is modeled after the Real Life For Us Chumps Out Here (RLFUCOH) paradigm, in which for which there are no rewards for successfully answering the question, but for which there is ridicule, contempt and devastating loss for getting it wrong.

So, without further ado, the MPQ, with everything riding on the answer, is "With surging demand for oil from the largest segment of the world's population, but a falling supply of Chinese domestic oil production which is unfortunately coincident with the worldwide phenomenon of falling new supplies of oil (the famous Peak Oil phenomenon), exactly who but a Complete Freaking Idiot (CFI) would NOT buy oil stocks when even the most utterly dimwitted, lowlife, low-IQ, brain-damaged, jerkface nitwit can fearlessly forecast a future of fantastic fortunes as a felicitous fate for those who own oil stocks when demand goes up but supply goes down."

This, of course, is not only an embarrassing and outrageous example of completely gratuitous alliteration, but is also undoubtedly the best investing advice you will ever hear, and the only -- the only!  -- advice to be distributed exclusively under the brand name Mogambo Best Advice You Will Ever Hear (MBAYWEH).

And as for gold and silver to join oil as the remaining two pieces of the glorious triumvirate comprising the Mogambo Best Advice You Will Ever Hear (MBAYWEH), their fabulous fate is also guaranteed, this time by an article in Forbes magazine by James Dorn titled "The Federal Reserve's Crony Capitalism" where he writes that Bernanke was asked about his "targeting" monetary policy to achieve 2% inflation in consumer prices, and Bernanke replied "that the real purpose was to 'avoid deflation.'"

I remember that I laughed the famous Mogambo Laugh Of Scorn (MLOS) at this startling stupidity, predictably getting a lot of flecks of spittle all over everything, a disgusting spectacle made more mocking and disrespectful by simply noting that the whole insane concept of "avoiding deflation" at the cost of inflation is not mentioned anywhere in the mission statement of the loathsome Federal Reserve, economics textbooks, economic history, or anywhere else in the universe, for that matter, because it is Too Freaking Insane For Words (TFIFW).

In fact, the mission of the Fed is the exact opposite! The Fed is charged with preserving price stability (definition: zero percent inflation), to prevent monetary booms and busts, which is the Exact Freaking Opposite (EFO) of what this evil horse's ass Bernanke admits actually trying to do to us! Treachery! Beyond treachery!

But, lest we forget, it is the evil Ben Bernanke's predecessor, the truly satanic Alan Greenspan, as chairman of the Federal Reserve from 1987-2006, who is the One Guy You Can Point To (OGYCPT) as being totally responsible for everything being so bad, because he's the one who started creating all the money that made all the busts possible.

Fortunately (and I say this with a HUGE sigh of relief), Greenspan's and Bernanke's monumental idiocies in creating too much money for so long are what made it possible for low-IQ proletariat trash like me to get rich, rich, rich just by buying gold, silver and oil.

Otherwise we would have to (shudder) work, or marry somebody who has a lot of money. Unfortunately, being stupid and lazy precludes the former for me, and being an old, hateful, paranoid, gold-bug, gun-nut, Constitution-loving, raving lunatic moron precludes the latter.

And yet I will prosper just by buying old, silver and oil, you say? Whee! This investing stuff is easy!