Living Well on Gold and Silver

Naturally, I bristle at people ignoring me except to say hurtful things, like, "Eww! Gross! Eat with your mouth closed!" and who then turn right around and say, "Shut up about buying gold and silver!"

But how do I not eat and talk? Man, it has been said, cannot live on bread alone! Unless, of course, it is made into a nice, big sandwich with all the fixins, maybe with a tall, cool beverage and a fresh bag of potato chips, you're bent over the plate like some kind of starving Neanderthal, noisily shoveling it in your mouth with both hands, perhaps while you are watching TV, necessitating changing channels by hitting the remote control with your elbow.

In polite deference to the easily offended, I swallow the last of a sandwich, whereupon I take up my one-sided conversation to say that buying gold and silver is the smartest thing you can do when the Federal Reserve is creating So Freaking Much Money (SFFM), as it creates horrific inflation in prices, with the historical evidence strongly indicating that the long-term percentage increase in prices matches the percentage increase in the money supply, which, if true, means that We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)!

And since the Federal Reserve is creating more and more money with mindless abandon, you can see how the resultant inflation in prices rising with similar mindless abandon is enough to make one want to run, pell-mell, to one's Mogambo Bunker Of Go Away (MBOGA) in a kind of nervous panic, seeking the security of locked doors, defense systems on "armed," holding gold coins in one hand and the trigger of something large-caliber in the other.

I don't personally know if Doug Noland, the author of the Credit Bubble Report at Prudent Bear.com, is in his bunker or not, or even has one or not, and if not, then I salute his courage, because he has the necessary facts to proclaim a Full-Alert Mogambo Response (FAMR) when reports that "Federal Reserve Credit jumped $13.9bn to a record $2.582 TN (19-wk gain of $301bn). Fed Credit was up $174bn y-t-d and $284bn from a year ago, or 12.4%"! Yikes! Big percentages!

And this Fed Credit is the "out of thin air" first step to making new money, and which is multiplied many, many times over by the fractional-reserve multiplier when this new Fed Credit hits the banks. Free money! Whee!

Of course, that "Whee!" at the end was intended as sarcasm, and I see that "Whee!" really "doesn't work," mostly because it is so far away from the origin of all the misery, which is the Federal Reserve in creating the new credit in the first place, and for whom I reserve a special, dark place in my heart where I put dreams of revenge.

And since "living well' is, they say, the best revenge, I have now decided to live well! In this case, I will find out where a few of these Federal Reserve morons live, drive by their houses at 3:00 a.m., and honk my horn exactly 79 times to signify gold's atomic number on the periodic table, so that they know it's me - the guy who knows they are idiots for not insisting on a gold standard, which they would do if they were competent economists, instead of insisting on a fiat currency made of electronic digits, which is the Exact Wrong Thing To Do (EWTTD).

Then, after going out to a late dinner at a fabulous restaurant, I'll have a wonderful time doing it again on the way home a few hours later! Hahaha!

"Ahh!" I sigh to myself as I think of it. "Sweet revenge!"

Before you get all agog that I remembered that the atomic number of gold is 79, I have to admit that a Google search took me to webelements.com to verify that the atomic number was, indeed, 79, as I had remembered, surprising nobody more than I, and which I hope to remember the next time anybody says, "Can't you remember anything anymore, you worthless old fart?"

But I learned, as a result of the site, that the group of elements of the periodic table that contains silver and gold is named the "coinage metal" group and that the group also contains roentgenium, whatever in the hell that is.

But it sounds radioactive, and it is (in spades!), it doesn't exist in nature, it has a half-life of around ten minutes, gives off no x-rays when it decays, and has the symbol Rg, which sounds like the sound you make ("Urgg!") when you are so stinking drunk that you are puking up your guts in the restroom of some stupid bar where you suddenly realize that your boss already ate and left to go back to work, and you just want to die, die, die, but you don't.

The point is that we know enough about roentgenium not to make coins of it, even though it is in the "coinage metal" group of elements. Oddly enough, there are not many people who know to buy gold and silver, which are also in the coinage metal group, when it seems obvious from the name "coinage group"!

I mean, how easy does this have to get before you say, "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"?