'We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)'

I was trying to, even if it kills me, have a pleasant breakfast with the whole family, all of us grudgingly participating in a freakishly stupid "family bonding" activity, when I heard, for the seemingly thousandth time, the boy saying to me, "If you loved me like you are supposed to love a son, then you would give me the money I need."

He obviously wants to buy another useless geegaw, gimcrack or flimsy flapdoodle, like motorcycle mud flaps, or finally getting his stupid abscessed tooth taken care of, or something equally as boring, I forget exactly what, but the irritating part is that it comes after I have spent years very, very patiently making it More Than Freaking Clear (MTFC) to him, and everybody else, that because the Federal Reserve is insanely creating so much excess money and credit and thus creating so much inflation in prices, then any money that fortuitously gets into my grubby, grasping little fist which is not already encumbered by some ill-tempered collections agency getting some ill-tempered judge to order me dislodged from the aforesaid money, must be invested in gold, silver and oil.
And as a good father and provider who loves his family even though the son is proving to be a complete idiot, I am responsibly buying gold, silver and oil to protect our happy little nuclear family.  

I remember looking at my son, thinking to myself, "He does not understand my words, and never has.  Perhaps a more practical lesson would instruct, whereas my randomly screaming at the stupid little bastard has not!" 
So, keeping a phony-baloney smile on my face, I looked down at my breakfast, furtively dipped a soggy Cheerio from my bowl onto my spoon and, before anyone realized what was happening, deftly flicked it at him, unfortunately missing him by an embarrassing mile, damned near hitting my wife.

This is obviously another of my many failed, but well-meaning, attempts be a good dad, and you can obviously see where I try and try to be a good father, dutifully instructing and teaching his children of the evils of central banking, and how those dumb Federal Reserve bastards always create inflation in the money supply by creating too much money and credit, which fuels inflation in consumer prices, which is the thing that always kills economies because price inflation makes everyone poorer as income increases always lag price increases, and economies don't grow when people get poorer.

So, "family togetherness breakfast" be damned, and in desperation, I reached out, grabbed a copy of Forbes magazine and threw it at him!  I was dismayed that I missed him again, but by only a few inches this time, indicating marked improvement in my aim, when suddenly he is acting all upset, like, "What's that for?"

So I said, "Read the article titled 'The Federal Reserve's Crony Capitalism' by James Dorn, where we can all read about Ben Bernanke, chairman of the evil Federal Reserve, which has turned into the most evil institution in America and thus, ipso facto, making Ben Bernanke the most evil man in America, not me, despite what you and your mother, and all your stupid friends, say."

There was a stunned momentary silence, and so I continued "So why don't you shut the hell up and say something nice for a change, ya little brat?  Maybe something grateful, like 'Thanks dad, for putting everything into gold, silver and oil when you noticed that the quantity of money was being increased by the Federal Reserve, since we know this means an inflationary increase in prices that will match the inflation in the money supply, and for the bizarre, mentally-ill, economy-destroying reason of increasing government spending and debt, so much so that every minimally-competent sane, sentient being in this whole quadrant of the galaxy can give the startling facts a mere, fleeting, cursory glance, from across the freaking room even, to say, with a voice dripping with dread from the depths of hell,  'We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)'?'"
Nothing. Not a word. Not even -- at least!  -- commenting about the unusual set of punctuation marks at the end of that last paragraph.  Instead, he just looks at me like I am some stupid old guy speaking gibberish who doesn't have enough motor control to hit somebody in the head with a magazine from a lousy three feet away.

Meanwhile, out of the corner of my eye I can see my wife, crossing her eyes and sticking her tongue out of the side of her mouth, while twirling her index finger around her temple.  Behind me, I can hear my daughter stifling a laugh at the sight.

Well, this is the same disrespectful "he's crazy" motion that she always makes whenever we meet with, for example, stupid policemen, stupid judges, stupid city officials, stupid schoolteachers, and stupid social workers who won't mind their own damned stupid business and quit blaming everything on me, a poor, pathetic old man severely handicapped by poor parenting skills incidental to a lifetime of self-induced misery and a penchant for bad choices, but who still can't get a lousy handicapped parking sticker for his damned car despite obviously deserving one.
So I never got a chance to say to them, in my snottiest voice, that if they had bothered to read the Forbes article, they would know that Ben Bernanke thinks he has Solved The World's Biggest Puzzle, namely how to have one's cake and eat it, too!

This -- I am sure you will agree -- is the news of the century!  Wow!
The whole thing about an ugly economic collapse due to creating lots of inflation in prices with lots of inflation in the money supply, made necessary to finance an insane inflation in the size of government and thus exponentially increasing debt, is now been disproved!  It's a miracle!
The actual Miracle Of Economics (MOE) was revealed when Bernanke "tried to downplay the idea that mild inflation would erode the value of money because most people would protect their money by investing it, and not put it under the mattress." Hahaha! Fabulous! 

I tells ya, I thought I would bust a gut! Hahaha! There you have it! The Big Freaking Answer (TBFA) from the idiots at the Federal Reserve, right from the mouth of the head idiot himself! 
Bernanke explains to us morons out here that inflation is no problem at all, and that all you have to do is invest your money to offset inflation in prices, instead of spending your money on things whose prices are going up. Like food, shelter and energy! Hahaha!

In that way, see, because your money is invested, it is bringing in enough gains to offset inflation, then inflation will not be a problem for you because you have not spent the money, and thus have not paid higher prices! Hahahaha!

In short, inflation is only a problem for people who buy things!  Hahahahaha!

And, just when you think it can't get any weirder, and you think you are going to barf from your stomach hurting from all the laughing, suddenly you have something to barf about, as then, even more unbelievably, Bernanke "admitted that interest rates are low now, but in the long run they tend to 'compensate' for inflation."

So, because rates are low now, then in the future they will be higher? Yikes! Higher interest rates, higher price inflation from our monetary inflation, higher debts and higher debt defaults can only add up to one inescapable conclusion: "We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)."
At least, that’s the way it has always been over thousands of years of governments getting into financial trouble under the control of corrupt, greedy idiots, just like now.

And, again, just like now, gold and silver have always ended up as the investment of choice at the end.  This Highly Important Fact (HIF) makes it so irresistibly compelling to buy gold and silver, and the ease with which it can be accomplished makes you positively giddy with delight, as in "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Transcendent Economic Understanding (TEU)

I woke up earlier than usual, and suddenly decided to try and quietly sneak out of the house so that I could get breakfast out, someplace where wives and children are not yammering about something.

My tiptoeing around in the dark is, of course, the silent signal to the wife and kids that I am trying to sneak out of the house unmolested and, if they know what is good for them, they will pretend they are asleep, as if in a coma, until long, long after I am gone so as to include a safety margin of time against my suddenly remembering that I forgot something and have to come back for it, thus catching them sitting around the kitchen, making coffee and plotting against me.

Oh, I know that you will say I am wrong, that they are not plotting against me, and that I am just being paranoid. Save your breath.  I've heard it before.  You only say that because, I assume, your first clue was that I am obviously some kind of paranoid lunatic who's packing so much large-caliber heat that I can hardly stand under the staggering weight of such, predictably, insane amounts firepower, which, including holsters, spare ammo and that those grenade thingies, ain't light, I'm here to say!

So while you think you are very clever at discovering the secret, hateful little homicidal paranoid creep that is The Real Mogambo (TRM), the fact is that you ain't even close.  I am actually far, far beyond that, out in a bleak wasteland of lost souls, where wolves howl as they slink stealthily closer and closer, their ravenous, slavering jaws fixed into an evil, dripping grin, with their narrowed, blood-red eyes staring intently at my throat, out where I am getting more and more paranoid with every beat of my heart pounding, pounding, pounding in my chest and my breath coming in ragged, painful gasps.

So, as you can plainly see, I am A Hell Of A Lot More Angry (AHOALMA) about things, especially since all of our problems are, literally, the fault of the damnable Federal Reserve creating so much money, so incredibly much money, so astoundingly much money, so completely unbelievable much money for the last 50 years or so, mostly in the last 25 years, and mostly under Obama, so as to literally finance such vast governmental stupidities and idiotic mal-investments.

And now we are left with the backbreaking, burdensome, ugly and totally-predictable legacy after continually acting with real, genuine stupidity, where constant inflation in the money supply always leads to constant price inflation and gross mal-investment, such as (for example) half -- half! -- of all employed workers in the USA work either for a government (federal, state or local), a school system, a non-profit corporation or a Government Sponsored Enterprise (GSE).  Half!
So, to recap because I imagine that you are rubbing your eyes in disbelief, half of all working Americans labor for an organization that literally makes no profit, and thus are not tax-payers, but are tax-eaters.
And let's not forget that half of all Americans -- half! -- get a government check every month!

With the chilling, inviolable, dead-bang, absolute certainty of elementary-school basic arithmetic, this all means that more people are getting money (160 million people) than the number of people actually working (120 million people).

 And when you exclude government workers, school system workers, non-profit workers and GSE workers from the pool of "workers", you have the ugly, distorted economic monstrosity of only 60 million private-sector workers (20% of all Americans) supporting both themselves and 260 million citizens who do not work for profit or do not work at all (the other 80% of the population)!

And so you, really, really, really think that, somehow, perhaps with magic pixie dust or a benevolent interventionist deity, that kind of silly crap can constitute a viable economy? Hahaha!  Hey! I think I found your problem!  You're a moron! Hahaha!
Okay, I am sorry I called you a moron, but that is just the kind of hateful, in-your-face kind of rude guy I am to people who say something so laughably stupid. 

And I act this disdainful way because of three -- Count 'em! Three! --perfectly salient facts.

Firstly, long experience of facing down my wife and kids and the occasional angry neighbor, visitor or passerby has taught me that nobody is stupid enough to tell an angry armed lunatic, like me, that I am wrong about economics, or wrong about anything else, for that matter.
Secondly, it is perfectly obvious that I have achieved True Mogambo Enlightenment (TME) to have recognized the wisdom of the Austrian Business Cycle Theory and how it is the Only True Economic Theory In The Whole Freaking Universe (OTETITWFU).

Even better, this is economic genius about which you can read, and tread your own path to enlightenment, at Mises.org, which is the biggest and best bargain anywhere, since it gives you Transcendent Economic Understanding (TEU) of Austrian economics, and is completely free!
Thirdly, and the most compelling reason of all, the last 3,000 years of history is the same, sad, stupid story of one stupid government after another borrowing itself into bankruptcy, finally flailing about in dire, dreadful desperation, and how these same stupid governments always resorted to printing money, monstrously increasing the money supply, whereupon ruinous inflation in prices, social upheaval and economic collapse always followed.

And now here we are again, this time in the hands of lowlife, low-IQ, loathsome neo-Keynesian econometric Princeton and California clowns, doing that same tired monetary expansion crap, but with fancy equations and computers to justify their abject stupidity.
On the positive side, the Wonderful And Immortal Lesson (WAIL) from all of this, distilled as it is from millennia of governments, is to buy gold and silver, as much as you can, for as long as you can.
And with the modern addition of oil, the lifeblood of modern economies, buying gold, silver and oil to prosper in the coming cataclysm is so easy, and so seemingly certain, that it makes you giggle "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR)

Talking to Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) Phil S. about the news that growth in the Chinese economy has slowed and how this is so calamitous, my clever comments were confined mostly to laughing in Contemptuous Mogambo Derision (CMD) at the whole idea, like some conceited hotshot know-it-all, like me, is worried about economic growth in China when the aforementioned conceited hotshot know-it-all knows -- for a fact!  --  that there is almost nothing that can stop China's economic growth.

Why? Because a huge, HUGE chunk of the world's population, unburdened by personal debt and low incomes that are rising, is now demanding dazzling television sets, fancy phones, yummy frozen pizzas, smokin' hot pornography, and, I assume, a big butt-load of tequila and Margarita mix to kind of, you know, top it all off.

I realize that you probably can't readily see that I am going somewhere with this, and you are wondering "I wonder where Mogambo Big Stick (MBS) is going with this? And if I did know, would it be as stupid and banal as everything else MBS has ever said? And since I know that everything ever said by MBS was stupid and banal, what is wrong with ME that I am reading this Worthless Mogambo Crap (WMC) in the first damned place?"

Well, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that there IS something wrong with you, but the good news is that your waiting and wondering is almost over, because it turns out that I really AM going somewhere with this, and that somewhere, after a lot of twisting and turning and finally encompassing the Whole Freaking World (WFW), is to buy gold, silver and oil.

To that end, I note that the Financial Times writes that "China is importing record amounts of crude oil: Beijing needs to fill a bigger gap between surging oil demand and falling domestic oil output."

This is, as you will realize in a moment, the perfect time for the new Mogambo Pop Quiz (MPQ), which is modeled after the Real Life For Us Chumps Out Here (RLFUCOH) paradigm, in which for which there are no rewards for successfully answering the question, but for which there is ridicule, contempt and devastating loss for getting it wrong.

So, without further ado, the MPQ, with everything riding on the answer, is "With surging demand for oil from the largest segment of the world's population, but a falling supply of Chinese domestic oil production which is unfortunately coincident with the worldwide phenomenon of falling new supplies of oil (the famous Peak Oil phenomenon), exactly who but a Complete Freaking Idiot (CFI) would NOT buy oil stocks when even the most utterly dimwitted, lowlife, low-IQ, brain-damaged, jerkface nitwit can fearlessly forecast a future of fantastic fortunes as a felicitous fate for those who own oil stocks when demand goes up but supply goes down."

This, of course, is not only an embarrassing and outrageous example of completely gratuitous alliteration, but is also undoubtedly the best investing advice you will ever hear, and the only -- the only!  -- advice to be distributed exclusively under the brand name Mogambo Best Advice You Will Ever Hear (MBAYWEH).

And as for gold and silver to join oil as the remaining two pieces of the glorious triumvirate comprising the Mogambo Best Advice You Will Ever Hear (MBAYWEH), their fabulous fate is also guaranteed, this time by an article in Forbes magazine by James Dorn titled "The Federal Reserve's Crony Capitalism" where he writes that Bernanke was asked about his "targeting" monetary policy to achieve 2% inflation in consumer prices, and Bernanke replied "that the real purpose was to 'avoid deflation.'"

I remember that I laughed the famous Mogambo Laugh Of Scorn (MLOS) at this startling stupidity, predictably getting a lot of flecks of spittle all over everything, a disgusting spectacle made more mocking and disrespectful by simply noting that the whole insane concept of "avoiding deflation" at the cost of inflation is not mentioned anywhere in the mission statement of the loathsome Federal Reserve, economics textbooks, economic history, or anywhere else in the universe, for that matter, because it is Too Freaking Insane For Words (TFIFW).

In fact, the mission of the Fed is the exact opposite! The Fed is charged with preserving price stability (definition: zero percent inflation), to prevent monetary booms and busts, which is the Exact Freaking Opposite (EFO) of what this evil horse's ass Bernanke admits actually trying to do to us! Treachery! Beyond treachery!

But, lest we forget, it is the evil Ben Bernanke's predecessor, the truly satanic Alan Greenspan, as chairman of the Federal Reserve from 1987-2006, who is the One Guy You Can Point To (OGYCPT) as being totally responsible for everything being so bad, because he's the one who started creating all the money that made all the busts possible.

Fortunately (and I say this with a HUGE sigh of relief), Greenspan's and Bernanke's monumental idiocies in creating too much money for so long are what made it possible for low-IQ proletariat trash like me to get rich, rich, rich just by buying gold, silver and oil.

Otherwise we would have to (shudder) work, or marry somebody who has a lot of money. Unfortunately, being stupid and lazy precludes the former for me, and being an old, hateful, paranoid, gold-bug, gun-nut, Constitution-loving, raving lunatic moron precludes the latter.

And yet I will prosper just by buying old, silver and oil, you say? Whee! This investing stuff is easy!

Super Mogambo Comments (SMC).

A lot of people have been very quizzical lately, asking me things like "What in the hell is wrong with you, you idiot?" (to which I answer "If I knew that, don't you think I'd stop taking these stupid pills, you ugly moron?"), and, of course, the ever-popular question "Are you as stupid as you look and sound?" (Answer "Yes").

Of course, these are only two completely random examples of the many, many questions I get asked on a regular basis. But lately, like I said, more and more people are asking about things that I classify as What To Do (WTD) questions.

They plead and cry at me, as I am hunkered down safe inside my bunker, to come out, like I am some kind of idiot or something. Actually, they are idiots in not knowing what "bunker" means! Hahaha!

Anyway, I can hear them whining and saying "Please come out and help us!" Soon tiring of hearing me laughing at them and mocking them (e.g. "Morons!"), they try a vain appeal to my vanity (where "vain appeal to my vanity" is some kind of clever literary thing that I can't remember the name of, which I throw in for free to show you an example of the value inherent in each and every Mogambo Guru newsletter).

"Wonderful Mogambo Genius (WMG)!" they plead. "Surely an intellect so powerful as yours that can come up with clever literary things like the one in the precious paragraph, a man with powers and abilities obviously far beyond those of mortal men, can help us!"

Delighted at the smarmy, servile flattery, I ask, "Do you have gold, silver and oil like I have been advising you to buy for the last 15 years?"

Soon I can hear them muttering among themselves, sounding like the bleating, dimwitted sheep that they really are. Finally, they admit that, alas, they have not bought any gold, silver or oil in the whole time. So I say, with a Huge Stinking Glob (HSG) of sarcasm and replete with Overtones Of Scorn (OOS) in my voice, "Then you people are idiots! Hahaha! You're going to die, you idiots, because of your own idiocy! Die! Hahaha!"

To which they reply, "We know! That's why we need you to tell us What To Do (WTD), which is another of your brilliant acronyms, this one actually referred to in an earlier paragraph of this, your latest Brilliant Mogambo Prose (BMP)."

Sensing a trap, I turned up the Volume Out control of the intercom to a terrifying 11, a rare decibel level invented by the band Spinal Tap. Once adjusted, I screamed so loud into the microphone that my vocal cords still ache. With Occam's Razor-like keenness, I bellowed "The answer is simplicity itself, you morons! Do anything you want! Anything! Do anything you can think of! Unfortunately, whatever you think of will not work, because nothing CAN work, you dumb-ass, lowlife, 'free lunch' losers!

"Nothing -- repeat, nothing! -- can make staggering, bankrupting debt painlessly go away, you pea-brained idiots! Not somehow, not anyhow, not any way, not any day, not any time, not no how, which doesn't rhyme, but now suddenly does, and not even with a thousand million tons of magic pixie dust.

If it was possible to make debt disappear with nobody losing money, then everyone would have always done it! And we would doing it Right Freaking Now (RFN), you economically-illiterate morons!"

Feeling smug and self-satisfied with myself for having provided such a good education on them, I turned off the intercom, intending to update my Double-Secret Mogambo Enemies List (D-SMEL) which, admittedly, has grown to unwieldy proportions over the years as a result of my rampant paranoia, and we are nearing that time when it will be more efficacious to merely list those people who are NOT on the damned enemies list.

But how can I NOT add enemies?

Like that snotty little grocery bagger at the grocery store who looked at me funny. Oh, you can be sure that HE'S on the list!

Why? Because I could tell what he was thinking. "I know you, Big Mogambo Idiot (BMI)" he was thinking to himself. "I hate you!"

I instantly used my Powerful Mogambo Powers (PMP) to read his mind to find that he hates me because I am a brilliant and handsome economist who has -- mirabile dictu! -- achieved True Mogambo Enlightenment (TME) that the Austrian Business Cycle Theory is the only true economic theory, and (as a corollary) that the laughably inept economists are neo-Keynesian econometric dunderheads, particularly Princeton neo-Keynesian econometric dunderheads, who should all be rounded up in a big mooing herd and kept in some kind of corral until we build enough dank, fetid, stinking hellhole dungeon cells in which to keep them so that they, as the saying goes, "Don't scare the women-folk or the livestock" with their incredible, unbelievable, idiot-savant smug gullibility and complete lack of independent, critical thinking that would have instantly made them say, as I say, as all Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) say, indeed as all thinking people around the Whole Freaking Globe (WFG) say, "This stupid Keynesian crap of continual government deficit-spending to replace lost consumer spending, financed by the evil Federal Reserve vastly expanding the money supply, is a Big Stinking Load (BSL

When he was finished bagging my groceries, I naturally confronted him, accusing him of plotting against me and probably being a closet Keynesian who deserved being dragged into the street and handed over, bound and gagged, to angry mobs. He denied it, of course (the little liar!), and then he suddenly got really nervous for no reason that I could see, so that's how I really knew he was guilty.

His treachery is why he is on the enemies list, and, even worse for him, I will not tell him to feverishly buy gold, silver and oil stocks when, like now (in spades!), the money supply is hyper-expanding and the national debt is being increased so terrifyingly much, for so terrifyingly long, to such terrifying levels.

Then, without this Crucial Investing Knowledge (CIK), this hateful little snot-faced bag-boy will end up broke, filthy, homeless, and starving in the gutter. That will be my sweet revenge! Hahaha! I shall laugh at him and his suffering!

But caution: Instead of celebrating just another bagboy getting what he deserved, heed the essential lesson to make sure that this tragedy won't happen to you: Buy gold, silver and oil today, and buy them Every Freaking Day (EFD) of your miserable life, and only then will you thankfully never hear the mocking and scornful voice of the Mogambo wafting over you, stinging and magnifying the bitter pain of your laying broke, filthy, homeless and starving in the gutter.

And probably cold sober, too, making it all worse, whereas buying gold, silver and oil is a happy thing, as in "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

The Shadowy Legend of The Mogambo...

Hey!  It's me, Mogambo! Over here! No, over here! Here! The guy eating the taco!  That's me! Hi!

Thank you all for your kind comments, although you are doubtlessly aware that admitting to reading the Mogambo Guru, even accidentally, even in passing, even from across the room, even just glancing at it from across a large room, makes me have absolutely no respect for you. At all.

I should tell your friends and family about your obvious low standards in reading material so that they could know what kind of person you really, really are and laugh at you, but I won't.

All I ask is that you buy gold, silver and oil so that when you are rich as a result of their prices going ballistic because the Federal Reserve is creating so many trillions of dollars, then you can say "I owe it all to the wonderful advice of The Magnificent Mogambo to buy gold, silver and oil when the Federal Reserve was creating so much money and acting so suicidally irresponsible."

And when they ask "Who's Mogambo?", you can answer, cryptically, "Who, indeed?"

Thus, the shadowy legend of The Mogambo is kept alive.

And when they make a movie about it, please make sure that the guy who plays me has great washboard abs, bulging biceps like freaking eggplants, and a handsome face like a young Paul Newman, only more so, if you get my drift.

Thanks! The Mogambo owes you one!

Mogambo Intruder Alert System (MIAS)

Bzzzz! The sound of someone pressing the intercom button, and thus activating the Mogambo Intruder Alert System (MIAS), brought me jolting out of a fitful sleep, full of nightmares brought on by the Federal Reserve creating so impossibly-much money that hyperinflation in consumer prices is guaranteed, meaning, of course, that We're Freaking Doomed (WFD), a situation which nine out of ten doctors will tell you is Bad News Aplenty (BNA).

A quick scan of the security video shows it was my daughter buzzing me, probably wanting to talk to me about something, or give her some money, neither of which holds much attraction to me at this point late in our relationship.

So I, still feeling guilty and obligated by the shredded remnants of the duties of fatherhood, hit the "transmit" button and breezily ask "Who is it?"   She answered "You know who it is! Like I don't know that you have already had your security cameras on me the whole time, and used that stupid metal-detecting scanner to see if I am armed, you moron! Now open up and give me some money!"

Naturally, my immediate response is "Hahaha! Go to hell, deadbeat teenage albatross around my neck!"

Trying as best I can to avoid a confrontation, and to be a thoughtful, loving father, I tenderly reply "It's YOU that is the moron, or else you would be armed, as only morons are unarmed in these perilous times that are going to get much more perilous because the Federal Reserve is still creating trillions and trillions of new dollars a year so that the loathsome Obama administration can pound it into the economy through insane levels of deficit-spending. And don't get me started on the European Central Bank doing the exact same, stupid, ruinous, suicidal thing! Or any of those other dirtbag central banks around the world doing it, too!"

I could tell that she was stunned by the sudden change in tactics. Pressing my advantage, in a snotty, sarcastic way I ask "And so who is the moron now? Huh? Who? Huh?  Who?"

Seemingly stymied, she next tries the crying tactic, blubbering through her tearful sobs "Oh, boo hoo hoo!  Poor, poor me! How sad is the little girl whose father will not forgive her for foolishly not buying into the whole Austrian Business Cycle Theory of economics thing, and simultaneously heaping disdain and scorn on loathsome Keynesian lunatics! And woe betide the poor child, namely me, who did not buy gold, silver and oil to protect her frail little self, freezing in the cold of a calamitous 'inflationary winter' caused by such staggering, unfettered creations of fiat money by the despicable, criminally-incompetent Federal Reserve!"

Stunned, I realized that she HAD been listening to me all those years! My heart soared like an eagle!  Even to the point of almost -- almost! --  forgiving her for all those years of pretending to ignore me, and telling me what a bad father I was (just because I was a bad father and Big Mogambo Jerk (BMJ), but in a lovable way that would have been endlessly endearing to her if she didn't act like such a jerk most of the time, like that time she was whining about how her stupid friends were coming over and could I change from the Golf Channel (no), or at least put on some pants or at least a shirt, and especially how she could not be made to understand how it was vitally, vitally important that we invest all available money into gold, silver and oil because the Federal Reserve was creating so much money that big, big, BIG inflation in consumer prices will result from such big, big, BIG increases in the money supply).

And it wouldn't have been so bad for either of us if she hadn't been so distempered as to say nasty things like "Shut up!", and "I hate you!", sounding more and more like her mother every day, and finally, to wound me to the quick, saying "If you say one more word about the evil Federal Reserve, I will kill you in your sleep!", surprisingly with my wife agreeing with her, and even volunteering to help.

I imagined that she could feel my heart swell with pride at her admission of grumbling acceptance that the Austrian Business Cycle Theory is the only correct economic theory, while all those neo-Keynesian econometric nitwit turds are wrong, and now we are going to be destroyed by the Federal Reserve (a hotbed of neo-Keynesian econometric nitwit turds) creating so much excess money and credit.

Perhaps she could feel my outpouring of newfound love, even through the thick steel-reinforced concrete walls of the Famous Mogambo Bunker (FMB), all the way through layers and layers of aluminum foil on the walls and ceiling (to cleverly thwart brain-control rays and spores from outer space).

As an interesting aside, it used to be called the Mogambo Secret Bunker Of Relative Safety (MSBORS), a name chosen for its many delicious subtleties, probably stemming from once imagining my relatives come streaming and screaming over here, desperate to escape the phase of economic inflationary collapse known in professional-economist jargon as "Hyper-collapsoidal death-spiral of freaking doom."

Okay, I admit it is not known as "Hyper-collapsoidal death-spiral of freaking doom", but it ought to be, both because it is eerily descriptive and deadly accurate.

So I speak into my microphone and suavely ask her "Do you agree it should be called Hyper-collapsoidal death-spiral of freaking doom?"  

She replied, "Sure, whatever. Who cares?  I'll say that if you give me some money."

I say "How much money?" She says "Eight thousand dollars." I say "What? What in the hell do you need to buy that costs eight thousand clams?"

She says "I want to take my boyfriend out for burgers and fries," to which I splutter "But you can do that for twenty bucks!"

So she says "Okay. I'll take the twenty bucks!"

"Whew! That was close!" I said to myself. "Instead of losing eight thousand, I get off for a lousy twenty bucks!"  Relieved at getting off so cheap, I slipped the, as they used to say, double-sawbuck to her through the Mogambo Secured Exchange Port (MSEP).

So raising kids is easy, after all! 

In fact, it's sort of like buying gold, silver and oil in that regard, because "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Welcome to the site of the Mogambo blog

Hello, Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs), and welcome to the site of the Mogambo blog, an obligation that I did not want and overtly rejected, and have no intention of living up to any bargain for accepting any responsibilities of any kind, including, but not limited to, personal hygiene, social graces and, especially, blogs, but was given free, as an encouragement, by the folks at GoldSeek.com, for perhaps nefarious reasons that I can only darkly guess at, and shudder at the thought.

But if you wish to waste your time reading this crap and ending up saying, as most everybody does, "What is this Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC)? I can pull better economic and investing stuff than that out of my butt!", then fine with me, but you were warned.

And trust me: You won't get any respect for it, either.

So I thought I would kick things off, in my Charming Mogambo Way (CMW), by telling you that the whole thing is a big scam by this time, as corruption, malfeasance and malignant mal-investment are always pandemic at the end of long monetary and fiscal booms, this one has been going on, full-bore, since Reagan, it's the biggest boom in American history, and we, alas, cannot stop.

If you are a real Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR), you know where I am going with this. No, not about the CIA shooting thought-control beams into our brains from some kind of ray gun that they cleverly keep in the back of garbage trucks so that, every week as the truck passes by, zzzt!  A few more neurons in your prefrontal cortex get fried.  Zzzt! Zzzt!

No, this is really about how the Federal Reserve is an evil institution that is producing Huge Stinking Amounts (HSA) of new money with which to, among other things, buy the $1.5 trillion in new government debt because the money is needed by the loathsome Obama administration to deficit-spend us into the poorhouse, metaphorically speaking, with the result that we get roaring inflation in consumer prices, literally speaking, which quickly gets to the point that there is rioting in the streets by people tired of starving and listening to their whiny children crying out in hunger because food and energy cost so much that nobody can afford them, and they are really, really sick of hearing The Magnificent Mogambo (TMM) sneering at them in contempt from high atop a palatial mansion teeming with scantily-clad beauties, and saying "I told you to stop Congress and the Federal Reserve from doing that expansion of the money supply crap, and to buy gold, silver and oil if you did! But you did neither, you morons! Now suffer the misery you so richly, richly deserve! Hahahaha!"

Well, I am dismayed that you can't hear the charming-yet-vicious scornful lilt in my voice, but believe me, it's there.

And you can't hear the utter, utter accuracy of my timeless Mogambo Superior Advice (MSA), but it's there, too.

And you can't hear my wife and stupid kids yelling at me "Stop spending all our money on gold, silver and oil stocks, you cheap, lunatic halfwit bastard!", but it's there, too.

And here's a little tip: If you are actually doing this "invest everything in gold, silver and oil stocks" thing absolutely right, it should be there for you, too.