The soothing lullaby of the Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR)

January 22, 2013

Mogambo Guru

 

To vividly demonstrate how rude people can be these days, let me recount a recent experience at the grocery store.

 

A guy, we'll call him Tom, and he is coming across the parking lot to go into the grocery store behind me.  I recognize him, and, for me, it was a kind of reunion, and I thought he would be as happy to see me as I was happy to see him.

 

But he wasn't.

 

He had his ragamuffin wife and kids with him, and they were all apparently in some kind of bad mood as they trudged along towards me, and I could see them looking at me furtively, and hear them muttering amongst  themselves "Oh, no! It's that creepy old guy who is always trying to get us to buy gold bullion, silver bullion and oil stocks because the evil Federal Reserve has created so impossibly much money and credit that the inflation in prices will destroy us!"

 

At this I kind of beamed, and was pleased that he learned something about monetary policy from our earlier encounter!

 

Then I hear Tom say to his wife "And he even suggested that we dump the kids, because the deadweight burden of our own children will hasten our demise, and with the money we will save we could buy bullion because it is imperative that we own gold and silver, in which case we shall be rich, rich, rich, and then we can afford to get our own kids back, or buy as many new kids as we want!"

 

Well, regardless of your politics, ethics, morality, having even a shred of human decency, or what kind of inhuman monster could think up such a despicable idea, you gotta admit that the logic is, nonetheless, iron-clad.  But research shows that this "dump the kids and buy gold with the savings!" as a wealth-management idea never really, you know, resonated with investors.

 

Now Tom, in a rude kind of ugly way, snarls "Get out of my way, you idiot!" at me as he hurriedly brushes past!

 

Instantly, by virtue of my Mogambo Empathic Nature (MEN) combined with cursory brushes with genuine psychiatric/psychological mumbo-jumbo, I knew that 1) henceforth I would call him Turd-Face, and 2) that he was not actually angry with me, per se, but angry with himself.

 

The reason is that he is now embarrassingly revealed as, obviously, not following my Fabulous Mogambo Advice (FBA), which was to buy gold, silver and oil because the foul Federal Reserve is killing us with roaring monetary inflation which will inevitably produce roaring price inflation and insuring that, from a purely objective and scientific perspective, We're Freaking Doomed (WFD).

 

And the Fed has created the dollars, and price inflation was created, and the Fed is, and price inflation is, and the Fed will continue to create untold trillions more dollars every year, and price inflation will continue to get horrendously worse from here until, as you probably suspected, the aforementioned We're Freaking Doomed (WFD).

 

But ol' Turd-Face didn't buy them, and now he is here, and to look at him is to pity him, where angels weep for him, and the mocking voice of The Wrathful Mogambo (TWM) rings out loud and clear, "Moron!"

 

And speaking of rude, people ask me lots of rude questions, too, such as the popular question "Are you as stupid as you sound?", and "Do you ever shut up?", or the equally popular question "Do I have to call a cop?"

 

The answers are yes, yes and no.

 

Then again, sometimes they ask me intelligent questions, too, like about gold, as in "How much gold does the United States own, in total, including the gold stored at Fort Knox, and under the Federal Reserve, and probably at other places I don't even know about, and nobody knows about, because all the records have been altered by a bunch of lying, traitorous crooks who are stealing the gold to finance the impending invasion of extraterrestrial spaceships coming to conquer the Earth?"

 

Well, as far as "how much" gold there is, wikipedia.com lists the gold holdings of the "sovereign United States" as 8,133.5 tonnes of gold, which, at about 32,000 gold ounces per tonne, is 260.3 million ounces, which pretty much agrees with the figure of 261 million ounces claimed by the Federal Reserve, which, at $1,670, per ounce is a lousy $436 billion.

 

Those of you who parse everything I say, perhaps looking for Secret Mogambo Messages (SMM) about the pending invasion of the Earth by alien creatures from beyond time and space, doubtlessly have noticed that I said that the entire gold holdings of the Federal Reserve is a "lousy $436 billion," which I delightfully do with disdain because -- it's no secret! -- it's such a piece of chump-change!

 

I mean, the damnable, bankrupting, moronic, treasonous federal government DEFICIT-spends that selfsame $436 billion every three months! Which doesn't even count the $2.4 trillion spending in the federal government's budget that IS funded by actual taxes, duties and fees! Hahaha!

 

So, you can see why I am laughing at the gold in Fort Knox, when every bit of all that gold is only enough, measured in today's dollars, to replace the federal government's massive BORROWING for a few lousy months, and then the gold is all gone! 

 

And, perhaps more telling, is that very bit of gold held by the federal government would only pay for 6 weeks of government spending!   Hahaha! What a public-relations faux pas, which rhymes with "Hahaha!", which I point out for no particular reason, other than perhaps as a desperate cry for the help I so obviously need.

 

This means that the Federal Reserve will, instead of selling the gold and looking like a bunch of chumps, print the $1.6 trillion to buy the newly-issued government bonds over the next year, which the government will spend, which will cause the money supply to go up, prices will have to rise, people will suffer and complain, the economy will slow, round and round with more money, and more inflation, and more suffering at every turn until everyone realizes We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)!  Doomed I tells ya!

 

Which, if history is any guide, won't be long in coming, and, unfortunately, there ain't nothin' that anybody can do to stop it.  Soon and inevitable.  Ugh. Ergo my dismal outlook on things economic.

 

Sometimes this surprising fact is enough to elicit a life-changing, sudden, spontaneous flash of transcendental enlightenment, turning an average, unsuspecting man or woman, perhaps not unlike yourself in many ways, into an instantaneous, genuine Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR).

 

To be a JMR is to be characterized by being scared out of one's wits by the irresponsible, insane, incomprehensible madness of current monetary and fiscal policies that guarantee soaring price inflation, leading to the JMR to feverishly buy gold and silver in a panic-driven mania at the dire dread of the darkening doom, and to take advantage of the fact that these precious metals are so laughably, insanely, ridiculously undervalued right now.

 

The situation is indeed dire, and only the absolute, dead-bang, lead-pipe-cinch certainty that the prices of gold, silver and oil will go up, up and up, making oodles and oodles of luscious, life-changing, massive capital gains for its lucky owners, makes it all bearable.

 

Hence the soothing lullaby of the Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR): "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

The Grand Council Of The Universe

January 12, 2013

Mogambo Guru

 

I have been extraordinarily busy lately responding to an inter-stellar memo from Zygarb, the new hotshot poobah of the Grand Council Of The Universe, of whom I know nothing except that he is a dumb-ass jerk, he thinks that I am disrespectful, and that Earthlings are de-evolving back into the primordial slime because the un-fittest genetic mutants of the population don't die young anymore, but live and breed.

In particular, he demands to know that if, as an Earthling named Milton Friedman so famously said, that "inflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon," how come his stash of gold is not rising in price in tandem with the rise in prices, which John Williams, another Earthling, calculated in his Shadowstats.com website is over 9%?

Nine Freaking Percent (NFP)! Yikes! At that rate, prices will double prices in 8 years!

But as high and frightening as that is, it pales in comparison to the increases in the world's money supply as the central banks are creating, every day, insane amounts of money and credit to forestall the inevitable financial collapse of a stupid fiat-money economy, resulting in highly-indebted people, highly-indebted companies, highly-indebted governments and a bizarre, bloated, suicidal government-centric economy.

You, and Zygarb, are right to wonder why general prices are not soaring, and thus why gold is not soaring in price, and thus why you are not dancing around the house, giggling and laughing and saying "We're freaking rich!"

Well, Zygarb and you certainly have a good point, which is difficult to explain if you don't understand the concept of lag-time, which is where you do something now, and then something happens later as a direct result.

There are many kinds of lag time. The shortest one I have ever witnessed was one time when I wanted to borrow a few dollars from my wife so that I could get the hell out of the damned house and into some alcoholic beverage to celebrate, as I said, getting the hell out of the damned house.

I said only "Hey! Can I b…" before she instantly -- instantly! --said "No!" 

And it was almost another short-lag-time record when I instantly -instantly! -- realized that the REASON for the hissing, nasty way she said "No!" was because I was a lazy, good-for-nothing, paranoid lunatic whack-job, and she should have listened to her parents, and her friends, and everybody she knew, when they told her "Don't marry that Mogambo Moron (MM) because he is a lazy, good-for-nothing, paranoid lunatic whack-job," but she didn't listen to them, boo-hoo-hoo, and now I am going to hear all about it for the ten-thousandth time.

A much, much longer lag-time, now taking years, is that time between huge increases in the money supply (monetary inflation) and the huge rise in prices (price inflation) that must necessarily result.

Perhaps just by coincidence or by some kind of divine intervention, I dunno which, my attention was grabbed by the title of an essay, which was "Era of Monetary EXPLOSION Will Bring The Worst Inflation of Our Lifetimes."  It was written by Martin D. Weiss, of Money and Markets newsletter, and which expresses my sentiments exactly, including his use of all-capital letters in EXPLOSION, although I would have added, although it was implied,  "We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)!"

He says "the U.S. economy is stumbling, Japan’s economy is dead in the water, and Europe’s has sunk into the long-feared double-dip recession.

"What most people don’t realize is that the global economic weakness is actually a blessing in disguise … because without it, the dramatic expansion of money printing would already be causing an equally dramatic explosion in prices."

In short, the value of the dollar, and most other currencies, will continue to go down because the central banks of the world, including our own despicable Federal Reserve under the chairmanship of the equally-despicable Ben Bernanke, are creating so much money, but thanks to the moribund world economy, the damage will be gradual, if you think 9% inflation is "gradual," but it will ultimately be so, so much worse. Fatal, probably.

 

So buy gold, silver and oil with both hands, using all the money you have at hand, and with all the money you can borrow from neighbors, friends and relatives, because one day soon, like Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) at mogamboguru.com and everywhere across the universe, you will make merry when their prices soar, soar, soar because of the massively, insanely, unbelievable, continual creations of more and more money and credit.

 

And if you do buy gold, silver and oil, then, like the aforementioned JMRs on the aforementioned "one day soon," you will also, perhaps, exclaim gleefully "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Giggling Glee

December 20, 2012

Mogambo Guru

 

 

  Giggling glee born of easy, greasy greed

Higher taxes for millionaires?  First ask yourself "How did they become millionaires?" Then ask yourself "If I'm so smart, how come I'm not a millionaire, too?"

Well, if this helps, I have noticed that one of the differences between us slovenly proletariat trash and millionaires is that they seem to have a lot of perfect teeth and nice haircuts.  So, if you have nice teeth and hair, the data apparently shows that you've got it made, so relax! Haha!

If you don't have these, however, you will need to do it the appropriately-named "hard way", which brings up one Big Important Difference (BID) between us busted-out lowlife dimwits and the millionaires: We spent our money on pure gluttonous consumption, and had a wonderful time for a surprising number of years by virtue of racking up suffocating amounts of debt, whereas millionaires got their millions from profitably (as in compounding the money borrowed from a bank) investing their money in productive, profitable businesses, like making money by making things, or by mining things, or making money merely handling whole oceans of money, or making money by running this towering, engulfing deluge of money created by the evil Federal Reserve through some Wall Street scam, con job, bamboozle or 401(k), or in any of the rest of the gigantic financial services industry which produces, as best I can remember instead of researching it to find out, about 40% of all the profits made in America.

You no doubt noticed that I surprisingly did not use an exclamation point to emphasize such a huge, glaring fact that is destroying this country with some silly, low-IQ, pie-in-the-sky crap about how investing all your retirement money in the stock market is such a good idea when in fact  -- in fact! -- it is a mathematically a guaranteed -- guaranteed! -- loser for the vast majority of trusting, gullible and embarrassingly ignorant people who are stupid enough to think that putting all their money, and their entire financial future, into the general stock market is a "good idea" despite a complete lack of successful historical examples, common sense and the mountains of evidence to the contrary, when, alas, it isn't, as the evidence had already proved, so it's weird anyone would do it.

Anyway, I remember when I found out that investing long-term in stocks is a Big Time Loser (BTL) for the vast majority of people, and a Small Time Loser (STL) for almost everybody else.

For me, it was the Five Stages of Shock.  First, I was in denial, then, in the Second Stage, I was angry, then I was depressed, then I was angry again, then more angry, and then violently angry and scared out my Mogambo Freaking Mind (MFM), where I remain today.

And it's especially bad when dividends from owning stocks are taxed so highly. We're the highest taxers of dividends in the world!

Forbes magazine posted a blog by Austin Johnson on the new changes in taxes on dividends. The top corporate rate on the dividend is now 39.6%.  The recipient of a dividend, if in the top tax bracket, is taxed at 39.6%, too, plus another 3.8% (the new Medicare tax), for a whopping combined tax rate of 65.8l%!

And if you just stupidly add up the tax rates, it comes to an 83% tax! This 83% tax rate is both highly shocking and, unfortunately, a ridiculous and useless concept, except as evidence that I have no idea what I am talking about, as if anyone needed more evidence of that! Hahaha! Come on!

But what else can people do, except buy stocks, with all the trillions and trillions of new dollars being first created by the evil Federal Reserve and then spent by the government? All these tons and tons of new dollars, busily working their economic way down winding, wending paths through an economy's worth of manufacturers, miners and farmers, workers, middlemen, retailers, owners and shareholders, and government itself, all of whom always have to wonder "What to do with all this money rolling in, and how can I get some more of it?"

And what other market can absorb literally trillions and trillions of dollars per year?

Ergo, the stock market has to go up because the government is not going to stop deficit-spending, and thus the Federal Reserve will not stop creating lots and lots of money, and there is nothing else to do with that much freaking money, except maybe buy bonds, which are, alas, Totally, Totally Toxic (TTT).

Get a load of this: With the price of bonds so high, the imputed yield on the 10-year bond is at a tiny, micro, miniscule 1.5%, when even the government's own ludicrously-doctored figures show that inflation in prices is over 2%, and the money supply is expanding by over 10% a year!

It's actually over 8% price inflation, as I gather from John Williams at shadowstats.com, who calculates inflation the old-fashioned way: It measures how much prices went up, more nearly matches the increase in the money supply.

So join with me in asking what kind of morons are buying bonds, thus losing real buying power in inflation-adjusted dollars, when history shows the average yield is about 6%, which means that when the interest rate gets back to its long-term average (if it ever does! Ha!), then the expensive 10-year bond you bought today, yielding a laughably low 1.5%, will have lost 75% of its cost?  Yikes! Big loss!

And this does not even MENTION the reduced spending-power value of the remaining 25% of your dollars, thanks to inflation.  All in all, bondholders will pretty much be wiped out! Yikes!  Nice long-term investing there, dude! Hahahaha!

At this point, you may be asking yourself "What kind of an insulting idiot is this Stupid Mogambo Person (SMP) disrespecting the insurance and retirement investment industries who have to buy bonds because they have no choice, and who are getting screwed along with everybody else, except for the executives, of course, who are all, I am sure, making out like bandits? I hate him!"

Or perhaps you are even rubbing your chin, thoughtfully saying "I hate him, too, just like the guy in the paragraph above, but what he says makes sense!  But I hate him nonetheless after listening to him blabbering and blubbering, rambling incoherently in that loud, stupid voice of his about how We're Freaking Doomed (WFD) because of the inflation in prices that will be caused by the inflation in the money supply because the evil Federal Reserve is forced to create more and more and more money and credit so that the federal government can continually deficit-spend us into a twisted, inflationary hell without the government having to embarrassingly try to auction off such astonishing, astounding, completely unbelievably massive loads of new government debt by actually competing in the credit markets, bidding against other sellers of new debt for a relatively limited pool of private funds, pushing interest rates To The Freaking Moon (TTFM),  destroying America and the world.  I mean, what kind of idiot IS this guy?"

What kind of idiot am I, you ask? Well, I'll TELL you what kind of idiot I am! I am the kind of idiot that that is so stupid that he fails at everything, and the only things at which I did NOT fail are, firstly, to finally recognize and accept my own inherent stupidity, and secondly to wisely acknowledge the correctness of my naturally-suspicious paranoia and cynical hostility towards governments, self-interested salesmen and self-proclaimed "experts."

Thus, I looked, instead, at history to find out what happened all the other times over the last 4,500 years when a government acted this stupidly (most of them, as it turns out), and to find  the ultimate best investment that lasted through it all.

As an aside, I could have saved a LOT of time, learned the same thing about economics, just by reading Hazlitt's nifty book "Economics in One Lesson," or by simply going to Mises.org and getting -- free! -- the glorious wisdom of the Austrian School of economics, thanks to the foresight and work of Lew Rockwell, whom I never actually met, but who must be a busy guy because if I call him up and say to the receptionist "Hey! Ask Lew Rockwell if he will lend me twenty bucks!", I find that he's never available, and they won't even take a message anymore.  So he must be a busy guy!

I can tell by the look on your face that you are not interested in hearing about another smart person who doesn't want to talk to me, either, and what you really, REALLY want to know is "What turns out to be, as the ultimate Idiot's Delight, the best investment during a period of government deficit-spending and money creation about which you have been shooting your mouth off until we are sick of hearing it?"

Well, since you asked so nicely, I am happy to report that you, too, can succeed financially despite any personal shortcomings, such as being a rude moron who dares challenge me instead of cringing before my towering intellect, and/or having severe behavioral difficulties so that your kids hate you because you are a clueless, terrible parent, and your boss and all your co-workers hate you because you are incompetent at your job which makes their jobs harder, and you naturally hate them in return, stabbing them in the back at every turn, sparing no venom, daring to mix metaphors right in front of their stupid little, hateful faces.

And you can financially prosper even if your spouse and your relatives and your neighbors all hate you, too, mostly because they are all a bunch of small-minded Earth-people whose serious lack of intellectual capacity cannot possibly allow them to comprehend the profound inherent safety and strong security, and thus an invaluable neighborhood asset, of having a Mogambo Big Beautiful Bunker (MBBB) in my backyard, bristling with enough firepower and miscellaneous armaments to kill them all a thousand times over if they give me a bunch of crap, which they, so far, don't.

And so the important, profound answer to the question "How to have a successful, wealthy future despite being a complete moron and your own government is acting like one, too"?

 It is (drum roll, please!) to buy gold bullion and silver bullion!

And I think to buy oil stocks, too, because oil has absolutely the most net energy per unit of volume, and it literally comes out of the ground almost ready to use as a fuel. Wow! Talk about intrinsic value that will surely rise with general inflation which is guaranteed by the Federal Reserve creating so much money and credit! How could oil NOT become more expensive?

So, I mean, investment-wise, how could things get any more obvious?  Not stocks. Not bonds. Not houses. Not cash. Not anything but gold, silver and oil.

And speaking of "how" could something possibly be, ones wonders how could one NOT shout loud huzzahs, hoorahs, and heehaws to the highest of heavens, nor feel compelled to excitedly exclaim with a happy, giggling glee born of easy, greasy greed, "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"?

 

Scared Again, As Usual Anymore, About Taxes, Debt And Inflation

December 14, 2012

Mogambo Guru

 

                        Scared Again, As Usual Anymore, About Taxes, Debt And Inflation

Perhaps not surprisingly, my career is suddenly going nowhere since I retired and quit working completely.   For example: Is the wife asking me to take the garbage out?  "What do I look like," I ask incredulously, "some kind of janitor, or custodian, or maybe a professional garbage-taker-outer?  Ha! Screw that! You got the wrong boy, babe! That's work, and I'm retired!"

Of course, this is my usual empty bluster and whining about how one day things are going to be different around here, see, and I will run the show -- with an iron fist! -- and everybody will do what I want for a change, and yet there I am, taking the damned garbage out to the damned garbage can, but grumbling and mumbling incoherently under my breath to show that I am not the least bit happy about it.

However, if I ever decide to return to writing, willingly suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous editors ("Worthless trash from a no-talent hack"), I will apply at Reuters news service as a hot-shot editor, since I obviously have a knack for seeing the profound writing mistakes made by others, taking a cruel joy in hurting the writer's feelings because, I self-righteously ask, where were in the hell were THEY all those years when I was being criticized ("Worst crap I have ever read! I feel soiled from the experience!"), crying myself to sleep every night, boo hoo hoo.

You are probably saying to yourself "Who cares? You ARE a crappy writer! Is there a point to all of this? Is it because Reuters wouldn't even let you take their garbage out because you are a stupid, raving lunatic?"

"No," I imperiously say. "It's not about that at all. What I am talking about is how Reuters treats a simple news item like "The U.S. Internal Revenue Service on Wednesday released final rules for a new tax on medical devices, products ranging from surgical sutures to knee replacement implants, that starts next year as part of President Barack Obama’s 2010 healthcare law."

Reuters goes on to explain that "The 2.3-percent tax must be paid, effective after December 31, by device-makers on their gross sales. The tax is expected to raise $29 billion in government revenues through 2022."

Now get a load of this: The tax "applies mostly to devices used and implanted by medical professionals, including items as complex as pacemakers or as simple as tongue depressors," which is kinda scary since, apparently, medical professionals "use and implant" tongue depressors in people! Yikes! I had no idea!

Anyway, despite my little attempt at humor that seems to have fallen somewhat flat, that is pretty much it. End of story!  

If I was indeed the intrepid editor of this news story, and I had made it back to the office not too late from one of my famous two-hour power-lunches, and I was not too falling-down, snot-faced drunk to actually manipulate at least one of my fingers, I would sit at my keyboard and edit that last sentence to read "…which means only that the device-makers will happily charge more money for their devices so that the company can still make the same profit after paying another 2.3% tax, which means that the prices of medical devices will go up, which is popularly defined as inflation, which is a kind of tax paid by consumers, or companies will go out of business because their prices are now too high, whereupon all the stockholders (orphans, widows and your retirement account) lose everything, and the employees are all fired, which is kind of a tax, too, and all the millions of the people who pay these higher prices for the devices have to turn around and charge more money for their goods and services to try and break even, which means more inflation in prices and a shrinkage of the economy unless the Federal Reserve creates more money and credit, which they invariably do, which makes inflation in prices worse and worse in some horrifying dance of inflationary economic death, and which makes it so easy to predict that We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)!"

And, speaking of WFD, I note with a trembling horror in my voice and my heart pounding, pounding, pounding in my ears that the latest Consumer Installment Debt figures for October jumped up by a massive $14 billion, bringing the total to of this huge, strangling, staggering $2.753 trillion, which is -- unbelievably! -- higher than the $2.6 trillion in Consumer Installment Debt at its "height" in 2008! 

To be sure, that $2.6 trillion record-setting debt set in 2008 dropped over the next few years by a couple of hundred billion dollars as people cut gradually paid off some of their debt.

But now! Now, in the last couple of years, despite rising unemployment, rising bankruptcy, stagnant wages and an economy that is at death's door because the evil Federal Reserve created so irresponsibly much money and credit for the last three decades, people are again borrowing money with the greedy, reckless, mindless abandon of old, and have astonishingly gone another $300 billion deeper in consumer debt in the Last Freaking Year (LFY) alone!  A short twelve months! $300 billion in the LFY! That's $2,000 more personal debt for every adult in the Whole Freaking Country (WFC)!!

Like most of you, even the exciting use of two exclamation points cannot penetrate my shocked numbness from the steady drumbeat of disturbingly, terrifyingly higher and higher prices, and a higher and higher money supply, and higher and higher debts, both cash-basis and accrued.

Fortunately, this shell-shocked attitude is not universal, and Ed Steer of the eponymous Ed Steer's Gold & Silver Daily newsletter reports that Stephen King (if that is his real name!), and who is supposedly chief economist at HSBC Holdings Plc in London and a former U.K. Treasury official, said "There are lots of things central banks are worried about at the moment, and inflation is not the highest priority.  As long as people believe central banks are committed over the longer term to price stability, there is leeway to play around with other objectives.”

A high-decibel Mogambo Scream Of Outrage (MSOO) was literally in my throat when I was stopped the humor of Ed's reply.  I envision an arched eyebrow, curled lip and contemptuous sneer to accompany his understated "Such as???"

According to the Mogambo Rules Of Punctuation For Economics Stuff (MROPFES), the use of three -- three! -- question marks indicates extreme stunned incredulity mixed with anger and shock, as seems apropos to the very idea of a central bank not being foremost concerned with inflation in prices above all other concerns. ALL!

Well, the answer to Ed's question "such as?"  is, of course, that the central banks are committing yet another monetary sin, artificially holding interest rates down to near zero by creating mountains of new money and credit with which to buy up bonds (driving their prices up and their yields down) at the rate of almost $200 billion per month (about $90 billion mortgage bonds and, recently announced, other bonds, which, I assume, is on top of the $100 billion a month in new Treasury bonds that have to be sold to finance a $1.2 trillion federal budget deficit). That's $2.4 trillion a year in new money! Gaaahhhh!

You can see how I am on the verge of working myself into a screaming fit of fearful outrage, and how I could go on for hours and hours about the evil Federal Reserve, predictably ending with me telling you, with a voice rising hysterically in volume and timbre, to feverishly buy gold bullion, silver bullion, and oil stocks, because such absolute, suicidal idiocy like that is, I am chilled to say, running rampant, and thus We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)!

Rather than be drawn into one of my sick little melodramas, Ed wittily and pithily goes on, while expressing the exact same anger and outrage as found in any of my wild incoherent tirades packed with profanity and vague death threats, with a subtle "I can't believe he said that! Be very afraid."

Be very afraid, indeed. He correctly said that.

Buy gold, silver and oil. I correctly said that.

It's that time again

December 6, 2012

 

Mogambo Guru

 

 

                                    It's that time again

 

These are, indeed, times that try men's souls.  To such a profound revelation, some would perhaps delightedly say "Indeed, Mogambo!"   Perhaps you, too, are inclined to say "Well said, Mogambo! Thou art truly the greatest of writers, who can, with a mere fillip of prose or punctuation, turn a such simple phrase into immortal, graceful poetry, and anybody who criticizes you is an idiot and a jealous, loudmouth, know-nothing halfwit who wouldn't know true writing talent if it came up to them and took a whiz on their shoes!"

 

If so, I have to confess that I did not, alas, write it. But thanks, anyway.

 

That famous phrase is from, as it turns out, Thomas Paine, who used it in his "The American Crisis."

 

He actually wrote  Cached - SimilarYou +1'd this publicly. Undo"These are the times that try men's souls," so you can see how I vastly improved upon this Paine guy by cleverly inserting the word "indeed," brilliantly using a couple of commas, and deftly removing the "the."  

 

This, I am sorry to say, however novel and clever I hope it is, is sadly indicative of the woefully low level of personal creativity that I display these days, probably contributing to my appallingly "relaxed" attitude towards blatant, outright plagiarism.

 

In my own defense, please remember that what I admittedly lack in talent or professional ethics, I make up for with other, perhaps more endearing, qualities.

 

 I mean, who can deny my sheer, screaming paranoia?  And with that, I throw in -- for free! -- a howling, homicidal anger, and an incoherent, blubbering blood-thirst for awesome revenge against the treachery and betrayal of America by legions of greedy, smug morons for the last half century, ranging from the lowliest leftist voter thinking the government is there to "help people," up through the vast, expansive realms of "We're helping everyone, and borrowing ourselves into bankruptcy to do it" governments, and, perhaps most painful of all to see, up through the awful Supreme Courts.

 

All of these inexcusable dimwits are totally ignorant of the Constitution of the United States literally requiring that money shall be ONLY gold and silver specifically so that the money supply can't grow, thus preventing any inflation in the money supply, thus preventing the emergence of inflation in prices, and thus also preventing unsustainable, bankrupting bubbles in sectors like housing bubbles, stock market bubbles, bond market bubbles, size of government bubbles, size of debt bubbles, number of government dependents bubbles, and the entire, total tonnage of pure economic stupidity and simpleminded sophistry espoused by loathsome neo-Keynesian econometric halfwits like Alan Greenspan and Ben Bernanke and every other worthless butt-wipe who works, or ever worked, at the evil Federal Reserve, and the overwhelming proportion of the nation's colleges and universities, all of whom I blithely brand as a clot of clownish, intellectually-impoverished, poseur dimwits who see NOTHING wrong with ANY of this monetary and fiscal absurdity, when it is perfectly, blazingly, blatantly obvious that there is absolutely nothing right about it, and that is why it is a total failure and has achieved such disastrous results,  Decade after freaking decade! Dimwits all!

 

Whew! I pause to catch my breath, surprised at the raw anger pouring out of me, perhaps borne of fear that my wife will notice that I took a lousy twenty bucks from her purse when she, foolishly, was not keeping an eye on it, like I am personally to blame for her lack of responsibility and need to go to the bathroom.

 

Or perhaps I am upset about how the time is soon coming for rioting mobs of desperate people frantically flooding through the streets, their money inflated to worthlessness, ruined financially, economic zombies, looking for a handout and someone to blame for their plight, all because the evil Federal Reserve under the satanic Alan Greenspan, from 1987 to 2006, started the bank's treacherous trend of creating so incredibly much, so astonishingly much, so tragically too, too much money and credit, based on the sorry excuse of error-filled equations in worthless neo-Keynesian econometric lunacy.

 

And then these angry, desperate people, making the mistake of their lives, will think to themselves "Hey! That Irritating Mogambo Moron (IMM) was right!  If we had invested in gold, silver and oil like he said to do, we would be rich, instead of being poor and wretched!  Let's go over to his house, attack his stupid Mogambo Bunker Of Doom (MBOD), and if any of us survive the assault, we can split the gold and silver, and any leftover ammunition, we find inside!"

 

Through the periscope of the bunker I will, of course, see them coming. As they reach the perimeter that I have arbitrarily and secretly designated, I will give the klaxon a mighty, high-decibel blast, and the PA system will blare "Intruder alert! Intruder alert!", all of which has a very, very intimidating effect, as I found out the hard way when I came home one night, staggering from another alcohol-related incident, accidentally tripped the alarms and, just as accidentally, peed in my pants I was so startled and scared!

 

Well, it sure made a lasting impression on me! And on the family and neighbors, too, who came out to see what the fuss was about, and they saw me, and they laughed at me, mocking me, their insulting jeering and jabbering cutting through me like a Red Hot Knife Of Shame (RHKOS), yet they turn around the very next day and wonder why I hate them so much!  Stupid or what, huh?

 

Anyway, through the Mogambo Communication Portal (MCP), I will ask them "What do you want, or shall I startle you once again?"  They will say "We want you to give us some dry pants and some clean underwear; we peed all over ourselves here! And we want all your gold and silver, too, so that we can buy ourselves some food and get some nice clothes that haven't been slept in or peed in!"

 

I, of course, will say "No. But as true Democrats, you got the attitude down perfectly!"

 

After a lot of flustering and blustering, stumbling about in their confused stupidity, I will ask "Are you the same people who think that an idiocy like 'government deficit-spending to make up for lack of private spending because everybody is bankrupted under a massive load of debts, which is why they stopped spending' could possibly, possibly, ever in a million jillion years, work, when it never, ever has? Are you they? Is you them? Which or neither? Answer me! Now!"

 

Of course they will say "What? Uh, no, we are not those people, we don't think!"  I will laugh at them, and reply with a twinkle of amused merriment in my voice, "Are you telling me that you instantly, intuitively understand, like normal people with even half a brain, that a constant freaking flood of new, government money disastrously distorts an already distorted, government-centric economy, making a normal recovery totally, completely impossible, as seemingly proved --proved! -- because nobody has ever, EVER heard of a case, in all these thousands of years of history, of robust private demand, despite cancerous over-indebtedness (and impending pandemic bankruptcy) somehow, perhaps magically, growing to replace the artificial demand created with massive government deficit-spending of new fiat money?"

 

Having accumulated a lot of experience over the years, educating a lot of people about the inflationary horrors of allowing the Federal Reserve to create so much excess money and credit, and how you would have to be an idiot not to be buying gold and silver, I recognize that this is when the average person says "Huh? What? I don't understand!", as does, obviously, Ben Bernanke.

 

Don't believe me? Then find out for yourself! Call the Federal Reserve in Washington, D.C., and when they answer the phone, say "I want to ask that big butthead Ben Bernanke if he has ever heard of a case of robust private demand, despite over-indebtedness, replacing the artificial demand of massive government deficit-spending?  Now, put him on the line, and make it snappy, will ya? I ain't got all day!"

 

Go ahead! Call!  I'm betting that, like when I called and asked them this same question, they put you on hold and never picked up the call, or you were mysteriously disconnected when you called them back, over and over, getting more angry each time to helpfully let their Customer Service Department know how angry I am about Bernanke ducking my calls, probably because Bernanke DOES think this stupid crap!  Thus, it's proved, I tells ya! Proved! If he's innocent, why doesn't he come forward and deny it?

 

And that interesting-yet-terrifying tidbit of news is just another teensy, tiny clue to buy gold, silver and oil. All the other zillions of wonderful reasons to buy gold, silver and oil have 4,500 years of history backing them up.

 

And with evidence like that, against the foolish thinking of a guy who won't even answer the phone, what can one say except "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"?

 

Laughing it up to keep from crying

November 29, 2012
Mogambo Guru

   Laughing it up to keep from crying

I was taking a much-needed break from keeping an eye on my weird neighbors, whom I suspiciously think are some of the idiots who elected the commie knot-head Obama instead of electing the religious knot-head Romney.
Of course, my heart was with Ron Paul the whole time, who would have been a good president -- perhaps even a terrific president!  -- forty years ago when there was still enough time to stop the suicidally-stupid deficit-spending, money-printing, entitlement-creating, government-centric, "impossibly huge government taking care of everyone," typical Democrat horse-crap nonsense.
And maybe back then he would even have gotten get us back on a gold standard monetary system, with no fractional reserve banking allowed, to automatically make the currency as strong as the inflation-free economy, because it would be based, as it should be, on real, sustainable demand, instead of relying on phony government deficit-spending-financed demand, with a crazy Federal Reserve creating the excess money and credit to buy up all the gluttonous globs of government debt.
And, as reasons to print money, let's not forget that Consumer Installment Debt astoundingly went up by about $250 billion -- a quarter of a trillion dollars! -- over the past year, and that money had to come from somewhere, too!
I mean, it's all freak, freak, freaking me out here! Gaahhhh!
So, I was trying to focus my Mighty Mogambo Mind (MMM) on something new to stop my thinking about what idiots we are and how completely devastating it will be when that far-left Obama (who has horrifically given himself, Stalin-like, the power to order Americans murdered without a trial!) really gets started.
I was thinking of starting a completely new career, never to think of that ugly economics stuff again.  Sleep well at night without waking up screaming in fear at the inflationary horror that awaits us, dreaming of devouring demons!
It's that kind of "fear" thing that makes me figure that people would LOVE to have some comedy when the whole thing starts falling apart because the evil Federal Reserve is creating so much, so much, so impossibly much money, and, predictably, inflation in prices is skyrocketing, people are rioting, cities are burning, murderous gangs roam the streets, zombies are eating the dead, aliens from outer space have landed, and blah blah blah. You know.
So, seeing the obvious opportunity, I was considering being a (ta-da!) stand-up comedian! 
I had even been working on my new act, as the other choice that occurred to me was "homicidal maniac," instead of being just an irritating, gold-bug, paranoid, angry, cynical old man and all-around nice guy.
And since it doesn't take a lot of planning or training to be a homicidal maniac, I chose that option as my "fallback" position, and was working on my stand-up comedy routine. In fact, I had already written one terrific joke! I was on my way!
It goes, "Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to get the hell out of this stupid country before the monetary and fiscal madnesses of, respectively, the evil Federal Reserve and the corrupt governments of the federal, state and local varieties destroy our money, the economy, the Whole Freaking Country (WFC), and probably the Whole Freaking World (WFW) with horrendous inflation in prices caused by such irresponsible over-creation of money and debt, all to create a huge, suffocating, government-centric economy, so that you slowly starve to death because you can't afford food. 
"But the 'all natural and organic' weight-loss makes looks you look fashionably thin the whole time! Hahahaha!"
After a brief pause, I deliver the boffo punch line, which is "Except for maybe, you know, that part at the end, right before you die, where your bones literally stick through your skin.  Hahahaha!"
I deliberately put that "Hahahaha!" at the end so that the audience --  and maybe Jay Leno would be watching! -- would all know that it was a joke, and that they should applaud like maniacs and laugh heartily at this classic Mogambo Dark Humor Of The Damned (MDHOTD).
So you can see that my life was, for a change, working out just fine, and I was really getting into this comedy thing, when I, coincidentally, got a devastating email from Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) Paul P, who had written a much funnier original joke.
After the obligatory sniveling and servile salutation "Oh Mighty Mogambo," JMR Paul humorously writes "With the economy being so crappy I have decided to join the army and change my name to Clifford Fiscal.  That way, during roll call when they call out 'Fiscal, Cliff', I can yell back 'It's here!  Here I tells ya!'"
I, of course, laughed, even as my Mighty Mogambo Heart (MMH) was breaking because his joke was better than my joke, all my plans are for suddenly and cruelly for naught, and I'm actually kind of pissed about it, now that I think about it.
So, I am laughing, sad, and angry, all at the same time.  You can see how that "homicidal maniac" idea seems suddenly so easy and natural.
Of course, when it comes to easy and natural, 4,500 years of history says ain't nuthin' easier than capitalizing on these kinds of inflationary idiocies of government:  Buy gold, silver and oil! And keep on buying them, gradually, more and more, month by month.  And when any one of them drops significantly in price for no apparent reason, as they mysteriously do from time to time because of all the corruption and manipulation of markets these days, then buy LOTS more!
See? It's easy! Repeat along with me: "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

At the Store

November 20, 2012

 

Mogambo Guru

 

 

                                               At the Store

 

As I stood in the line at the grocery store, I watched the family in front of me, which reminded me of a Norman Rockwell painting; an all-American family, out happily shopping together, what with the mom, the dad, and the two little kids.

 

As I watched, my heart went out to them, knowing that they had no clue as to the economic cataclysm that is going to befall all of them, especially the cute little kids.  So I kindly stepped forward to help them.

 

I leaned forward towards them and politely said "Pardon me, but I see that you are buying Froot Loops cereal for, I assume, your darling children. And speaking of Froot Loops, did you know that the horrid Obama deliberately deficit-spent a monstrous $1.5 trillion every year for the last four years, which was on top of the $2.4 trillion that the government already collected in taxes, fees, expenses, tip, tag and title?"

 

Well, bless their hearts, they predictably tried their best to ignore me, and I could see them furtively looking around for a way to get away from me.  Unfortunately, there were other shoppers in the checkout line ahead of them, blocking their path.   And I had cleverly stationed my shopping cart between them and me, both blocking the aisle to prevent their retreat, and (very importantly!) keeping out of range.

 

In their best interests, I earnestly continued my loud line of highly-instructional questioning by asking them "And did you know that his blithely increasing the national debt by a whopping, eye-watering, gag-inducing, terrifying six trillion bucks in 4 short years is equal to a staggering 40% of our $15 trillion GDP? That's almost half of our Entire Freaking Economy (EFE)!"

 

I could feel my panic growing as I continued instructing them "And did you know that it was all outrageously heaped on the aching backs of the 300 million overly-indebted men, women and children living in this country?"

 

Out of the corner of my eye I could see the store manager coming towards us, huffing and puffing, with that "Oh, no! Not you again!" look on his stupid face.  

 

Instantly I knew that I had to make a crucial tactical decision: Whether or not to abandon my groceries, leap atop the checkout counter, run to the end to make a glorious, fabulous, flying leap towards the door and thus making my getaway, taking my leave with my standard shout of farewell, "Buy gold, silver and oil, you morons!"

 

To do so, however, would be to suffer the sad, sorry loss of a lot of delicious "buy one, get two free" frozen burritos, and who knows when they are going to have a sale like THAT again? I mean, c'mon! What to do? What to do?

 

I thought to myself "My time to educate these people grows short if I am to, heroically, before the manager gets here, teach these morons about how the evil Federal Reserve is creating So Freaking Much Money (SFMM) that inflation in prices will destroy those who do not wisely buy gold, silver and oil!"

 

Quickly, I summed up by saying "And this is just the INCREASE in the national debt to an incomprehensible $16 trillion, which is already bigger than the aforementioned Entire Freaking Economy (EFE), which comes to a debt of $53,000 dollars for each of you two adults, and the two little tykes, too, which comes to a nice, round $212,000 just for YOUR little family. How you like them apples?" 

 

I was hoping they would, at least, enjoy my witty reference to apples as we are in a grocery store.

 

But no. Seeing that I was getting nowhere with the adults, I turned to the kids and said, "Kids, enjoy that Froot Loops cereal, because soon prices will be so high that you will be eating horrible, soupy, microwave gruel, making the huge assumption that your folks will have a microwave oven and can afford the electricity to cook gruel, unless your parents wise up and start buying gold, silver and oil!"

 

Just then, the little manager comes storming up and says, predictably, "You again?"

 

I said "Yes!  'Tis I, The Wise And Wonderful Mogambo (TWAWM), spreading the gospel of TWAWM, namely the revelation to buy gold and silver to capitalize on the guaranteed cataclysmic inflation in prices that you get whenever your idiot government is allowing the Federal Reserve to create so excessively much, so monstrously much, so stupendously much, so impossibly much money and credit. And proud to do so, sir!"

 

I was thinking to myself, of course, "And there ain't nothing you can do about it, you little bastard who probably has all his retirement funds idiotically 'invested' in common stocks and/or in the most ludicrously overpriced asset of all, namely bonds, and who is going to tragically get The Royal Screw Job (TRSJ) because of it."

 

The bad news is that the store manager stood there, glaring at me, the whole time I am in his stupid little store, and I am wisely keeping my mouth shut, just in case I put a lot of innocent frozen burritos in jeopardy.

 

But the good news is not only did I, Mogambo, heroically help a young family with TWAWM, but when their turn soon came to check out, they just pushed their cart out of the way and ran out the door!   I was able to start checking out right away! Great!

 

It just goes to show you one more way, on top of a million other ways, that good things happen to those who buy gold, silver and oil.

 

And that is, perhaps, also one more reason that people who buy gold, silver and oil say "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"