Poetry with a Punch...

February 8, 2013

 

Mogambo Guru

 

                                    Poetry with a punch you can use

 

 

I am seriously considering changing careers.

 

I have, to my dismay, discovered that being a paranoid, angry, cynical, Austrian School economist and all-around lunatic raving gold-bug whack-o slacker, who is absolutely sure that We're Freaking Doomed (WFD), is an occupation that does not have that certain glorious glamour and commanding cache to elicit the fawning adoration of hot chicks ("Take me, Hot Mogambo Poet (HMP)! Bend me over something and let 'er rip!") that would certainly brighten up my admittedly bleak days expecting, as you learned earlier in this paragraph, doom.

 

So I am thinking of becoming a famous and influential poet.  To establish my impressive credentials, here, for your pleasure, is my first poem:

 

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Gold and silver are such screaming bargains because the evil, foul Federal Reserve is creating So Freaking Much (SFM) currency and credit in some nightmarish flood of insane monetary inflation that if you aren't buying them,

Then something is very, very wrong with you.

 

Well, I am sure that you, like poetry lovers everywhere, instantly recognize this as the absolutely best poem ever written in English, as it is the only poem that tells you how to get stinking rich by doing nothing except, as the poem makes abundantly clear, buying gold and silver to capitalize on the suicidal idiocy of the Federal Reserve creating so much currency and credit to fund the insane deficit-spending of the corrupt Congress that must, by mathematical necessity, bankrupt the whole country and cause ruinous inflation in prices, which is more precisely defined by us professional economists as The Big Crapola (TBC).

 

Other poems are but clever and/or melodious trifles, toying with your emotions.

 

But here, from the Mighty Pen Of The Mogambo (MPOTM), comes a powerful poem of such sublime rhyme, meter of a strange sort and, if you look hard enough and really use your imagination, actual alliteration, brilliantly combined with a sure-fire Path To Extreme Riches (PTER), as guaranteed by 2,500 years of history

 

Now, please notice that I used the word "currency" instead of "money."  I did this for two important, but completely different, reasons.

 

One reason is, by virtue of my newly-found chick-magnet status of being the Best Poet Who Ever Lived (BPWEL), "currency" is poetically alliterative with "creating" and "credit" which is a literary technique us big-time poets use all the time.

 

The other reason is because, as Mike Maloney of goldsilver.com pleasantly pointed out to me, it is an important fact that I never thought about, namely fiat dollars are NOT "money."

 

This is a fascinating fact I learned when I casually stopped by his office and politely asked for him to loan me some money because I could use a few bucks since it was almost lunchtime and I was hungry, but if I went home to eat, my wife would ask me where I was all morning, and I'd say I was at the driving range like I always am, damn it, and then I'd get some static about what a low-life, lazy bastard I am.

 

And if I used my own money to eat lunch, then I wouldn't have enough left over to get another bucket of balls to hit at the driving range, to while away the afternoon so I wouldn't have to go home and hear what a low-life lazy bastard I am.

 

So you can see my dilemma.

 

I'll never forget what he said. First, he picked up the phone and said "Ask Security to send some people to my office, please."

 

Then he turned to me and, with a smile, said "Fiat dollars are not money. They are currency."

 

While we were waiting for the Security people get up to his office, I learned that he is quite the educator, and he pleasantly explained that while pieces of paper printed with pretty pictures can be used as a medium of exchange and as a unit of account, two important functions of money, they are not intrinsically valuable (another feature of real money), nor are they a store of value, which is one of THE really necessary things to be "money."

 

When he saw that I was soon pretty confused, as I usually get when learning new stuff, he finally sighed and said "I won't give you any money, but I will give you some currency. How much would it take to make you leave and never come back?"

 

I said "Two bucks!"  He said "Fine. Here's two currency dollars," and then I left, and I passed the Security guy in the hall ("Hello, Carl!"  "Go to hell, Mogambo.")

 

Thinking about it, I see that this "fiat dollars are not money because they are not a store of value" fact is made magnificently manifest by noting that at one time, when I was a kid, a dollar could buy a quite few yummy candy bars, each a delightful, delicious ambrosia of chocolate, caramel, nuts, sugar out the wazoo, artificial colors and various preservatives.

 

But today, with that same dollar, you can buy only one candy bar. If that!

 

So the lesson is: Fiat dollars are not a store of value.

 

This can be made abundantly clear of you think back, way back, to when you were a kid, and you were in bed at night, awake, silently seething with anger about something, and you made plans, lots of plans, dark, nefarious plans.

 

Perhaps one of them was "I am going to hang on to the next dollar I get, so that in the future when, one dark day of adulthood and I have had it up to freaking here with my whining wife, and my crazy, juvenile-delinquent kids, and some stupid butt-head boss who does not recognize my genius but who is instead always yelling at me about my getting to work 'on time', or not sleeping on the job. or ducking out early, or something, then I can take that dollar, go down to the store, and buy a handful of candy bars, eat them all at one time, cramming my mouth completely full, and get completely buzzed out of my mind on the sugar-high, blissfully forgetting my problems for a couple of hours. Yeah! That's what I'll do!"

 

And so, how did the plan work out? I'll tell you how. You have that one lousy dollar, to buy one lousy candy bar, and get one lousy, low-grade sugar-buzz for, what? A lousy half hour?

 

Anyway, I see I got off the subject by a long shot, when what I wanted you to know, in case you were pooh-poohing my terrific poem, is that it has apparently already had an effect, as we learn from a Bloomberg.com news item that China, perhaps inspired by my poem that gold is a store of value, is using their vast hoard of not-a-store-of-value fiat currencies to buy gold hand-over-fist, as implied by "gold imports from Hong Kong jumped by 94 per cent to 834.5 tonnes in 2012 with a monthly record of 114.4 tonnes in December."

 

According to numbersleuth.org, about 165,000 metric tons of gold have been mined in history.

 

This means that last year the Chinese bought one-half of one percent of all the gold mined in all of history, and judging by the exponential trajectory of their increasing imports of gold, it won’t be long until they have most of it!

Perhaps in that vein, as I don't know if the Chinese are involved in this, too, but Goldreport.com looked at the "delivery requests on the COMEX for the month of February, we see that they are reaching the astronomical amount of 43.26 tons of physical gold, or 1,391,000 ounces of gold to deliver."

To make sure we realize the significance of this, as I surely didn't, they go on that "since the ‘70s, it’s the first time that there is such a request for physical gold delivery from the COMEX."

It's as if everybody has suddenly heard and heeded the poet of the ages (me!), and are buying gold and silver at a feverish clip!

 I don't know if they are saying to themselves "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!" when they do, but they (as we poets would say) should, and could, and probably would if they knew they should!

 

The Iron Laws of Economics (ILOE)

February 21, 2013

Mogambo Guru

 

I am getting progressively more scared, angry and paranoid, but mostly more scared and angry with "paranoid" holding steady, and am thinking dark, dark thoughts.

Perhaps this is why I was so intrigued by a blurb by Harry Shultz, dated July 9, 2012, sent to me by Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR) Phil S.  The entire email summed it all up for me, as it chillingly read "The entire world has become a singular, massive banana republic, with investors frozen in the headlights, earnestly searching for investments in an ‘impossible’ atmosphere. Banks are no longer banks (& cannot be trusted – to quote Martin Wolf at the FT), where rating agencies & governments are dimly viewed, where pensions are short of funds, where fraud is not the exception anymore, and where most market trends only last a few hours. Heaven help us."

Heaven help us, indeed!

Notice that Harry, being a classy guy, doesn't mention the actual problem, which is that the Federal Reserve and the other smug, dirtball, lowlife, moronic neo-Keynesian econometric halfwitted central banks around the world have created far, far, far too, too, too much money, decade after decade, all of which was grossly mal-invested in the private sector due to the false signals of consumers borrowing to bring future consumption to the here and now, and the false signals of the moronic federal government looking at all the resultant flood of tax revenues as a constant stream upon which they can borrow.

There are, of course, those of you who object to what I say, which you do because you are morons and/or economic illiterates, and there are those who also object because I call him Harry, instead of "Mr. Shultz," as in "How can a little nobody, lowlife, pipsqueak writer of Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC), like you, that nobody reads, and those that do feel soiled and debased by the experience, possibly consider yourself on first-name par with someone of Mr. Shultz's caliber?

To these people I say, of course, screw you, because the fact is, Mr. or Ms. Smarty-Pants, I called him up to personally ask him if he would let me call him Harry! How do you like them apples?

 

I even told the receptionist when she answered "Hey! Tell Harry Shultz that The Magnificent Mogambo (TMM) is on the line, and wants to ask him an important question, and maybe get a little inside information so I can make a little fast cash since I'll have him on the line, and how come I got an email, from somebody he probably doesn't even know, and excerpted from something he wrote last freaking year, that did NOT contain the Very Important Information (VII) that if an investor is not buying gold, silver and oil right now, then they are some kind of idiot?"

 

Well, I don't know what happened, maybe their phone systems is new or something, but I was mysteriously disconnected every time I called. 

 

Fortunately, the clarion call to say that very "buy gold, silver and oil" thing was kind of provided by the illustrious Eric Sprott, who told King World News that "the massive plunge in gold scrap recycling may be removing as much as a staggering 850 tons of gold from world supplies each year."

 

Yikes! We're running out of scrap gold! No more storefronts and pawn shops blaring "We Buy Gold!"? And it's because most of the scrap gold is, after all these years of them buying gold, apparently gone? 

 

So, quickly donning my Mogambo Super Investor (MSI) hat, I say, rubbing my chin thoughtfully, "Let's see here: a 'staggering' 850-ton supply of gold is no longer flowing into the market, while demand for gold is growing exponentially! Hmmm!"

 

Instantly, my mind goes "Ding ding ding!", which is the sound of a brand-new Fabulous Mogambo Idea (FMI) coming down the wire! The first part of the FMI is "Buy gold! Right now!"

 

The second part is where, if you don't want to buy gold, or if you have already quit reading this Stupid Mogambo Crap (SMC) a long time ago, probably after the first few sentences or syllables, you will look deep, deep into my eyes, you are getting sleepy, sleepy, sleepy and want to do my bidding, bidding, bidding, which is to go tell that guy that I want both of you to loan me a lot of money, which I will repay at 20% interest, even knowing beforehand that you will never see your money again, or that laughable 20% interest, because this is just another blatant stupid Mogambo scam that never seems to work out for me because you Earthlings are not quite as stupid as is commonly rumored in the cosmos.

 

I mean, you Earth people actually believe that you can have zero inflation with an expanding fiat currency, despite the fact that it has never happened before!  Hahaha! Can't you see why intelligent beings from other planets come to look at you in their UFOs, but never want to hear anything you say? Can't you see that say nothing to us, either, because we are obviously too, too stupid to understand?

 

I mean, the Austrian School of economics has been right there, at Mises.org, the whole time, and yet impossibly stupid, preposterous Keynesian crap prevails around the world! Hahaha! Prevailing in spite of its complete failure! Hahahaha!

 

You can see that Eric King, whom I suspect is an Earthling who IS intelligent enough to disbelieve such nonsense and does not appreciate being lumped in with the idiots comprising the vast majority of people who DO believe it, does not see the humor in that, and, ignoring me, goes on that KingWorldNews.com got the report where 'The secondary market, which is scrap, business is down almost 50% year over year, and the previous year was already a down year.  The only supply now is coming from the miners.  This applies to both gold and silver."

 

Eerily echoing what I wrote before, probably in one of the preceding paragraphs, about how you should be buying gold, silver and oil with a frenzied abandon because of the profound supply/demand imbalance, he goes on "Gold and silver bar and coin demand is very strong and the supply has essentially dried up.'"

 

"Hmmm!" I said to myself, adjusting the tinfoil on my Mogambo Super Investor (MSI) hat, "850 tons is half the scrap gold, which means that there is STILL another 850 tons of scrap gold added per year, which adds up to 1,700 tons per year, and yet BullionValut.com says that 'Gold is being mined at about 2,600 tonnes a year,' which means that scrap gold adds 1,700 tons, which is waaaAAAaaay  more than half of what is actually mined, to total supply?"

 

All of a sudden, I am frothing at the mouth in my zeal for gold!  Let me remind you, in case you are not similarly frothing, that one of the Iron Laws Of Economics (ILOE) is that changes in the price is what equilibrates supply with demand, thus changing price, changing price, changing price, until supply equals demand.

 

So, ipso facto, the price of gold has to gloriously rise, rise, rise until it chokes off a Huge Freaking Demand (HFD) for gold, enough so that a monstrous, ravenous demand equals a pitifully small -- and falling! -- supply of gold! It’s the law!

 

Thus, I scream, screech and shout, scurrying about, "Huzzah! Huzzah!" and "Buy gold! Buy! Buy! Buy!"

I mean, sure-fire, can't-miss investing doesn't get any more obvious than this! Which is why savvy Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs), around the world and across the cosmos, confidently buy gold, silver and oil, knowing that "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

Poetry with a Punch

February 8, 2013

 

Mogambo Guru

 

                                    Poetry with a punch you can use

 

 

I am seriously considering changing careers.

 

I have, to my dismay, discovered that being a paranoid, angry, cynical, Austrian School economist and all-around lunatic raving gold-bug whack-o slacker, who is absolutely sure that We're Freaking Doomed (WFD), is an occupation that does not have that certain glorious glamour and commanding cache to elicit the fawning adoration of hot chicks ("Take me, Hot Mogambo Poet (HMP)! Bend me over something and let 'er rip!") that would certainly brighten up my admittedly bleak days expecting, as you learned earlier in this paragraph, doom.

 

So I am thinking of becoming a famous and influential poet.  To establish my impressive credentials, here, for your pleasure, is my first poem:

 

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Gold and silver are such screaming bargains because the evil, foul Federal Reserve is creating So Freaking Much (SFM) currency and credit in some nightmarish flood of insane monetary inflation that if you aren't buying them,

Then something is very, very wrong with you.

 

Well, I am sure that you, like poetry lovers everywhere, instantly recognize this as the absolutely best poem ever written in English, as it is the only poem that tells you how to get stinking rich by doing nothing except, as the poem makes abundantly clear, buying gold and silver to capitalize on the suicidal idiocy of the Federal Reserve creating so much currency and credit to fund the insane deficit-spending of the corrupt Congress that must, by mathematical necessity, bankrupt the whole country and cause ruinous inflation in prices, which is more precisely defined by us professional economists as The Big Crapola (TBC).

 

Other poems are but clever and/or melodious trifles, toying with your emotions.

 

But here, from the Mighty Pen Of The Mogambo (MPOTM), comes a powerful poem of such sublime rhyme, meter of a strange sort and, if you look hard enough and really use your imagination, actual alliteration, brilliantly combined with a sure-fire Path To Extreme Riches (PTER), as guaranteed by 2,500 years of history

 

Now, please notice that I used the word "currency" instead of "money."  I did this for two important, but completely different, reasons.

 

One reason is, by virtue of my newly-found chick-magnet status of being the Best Poet Who Ever Lived (BPWEL), "currency" is poetically alliterative with "creating" and "credit" which is a literary technique us big-time poets use all the time.

 

The other reason is because, as Mike Maloney of goldsilver.com pleasantly pointed out to me, it is an important fact that I never thought about, namely fiat dollars are NOT "money."

 

This is a fascinating fact I learned when I casually stopped by his office and politely asked for him to loan me some money because I could use a few bucks since it was almost lunchtime and I was hungry, but if I went home to eat, my wife would ask me where I was all morning, and I'd say I was at the driving range like I always am, damn it, and then I'd get some static about what a low-life, lazy bastard I am.

 

And if I used my own money to eat lunch, then I wouldn't have enough left over to get another bucket of balls to hit at the driving range, to while away the afternoon so I wouldn't have to go home and hear what a low-life lazy bastard I am.

 

So you can see my dilemma.

 

I'll never forget what he said. First, he picked up the phone and said "Ask Security to send some people to my office, please."

 

Then he turned to me and, with a smile, said "Fiat dollars are not money. They are currency."

 

While we were waiting for the Security people get up to his office, I learned that he is quite the educator, and he pleasantly explained that while pieces of paper printed with pretty pictures can be used as a medium of exchange and as a unit of account, two important functions of money, they are not intrinsically valuable (another feature of real money), nor are they a store of value, which is one of THE really necessary things to be "money."

 

When he saw that I was soon pretty confused, as I usually get when learning new stuff, he finally sighed and said "I won't give you any money, but I will give you some currency. How much would it take to make you leave and never come back?"

 

I said "Two bucks!"  He said "Fine. Here's two currency dollars," and then I left, and I passed the Security guy in the hall ("Hello, Carl!"  "Go to hell, Mogambo.")

 

Thinking about it, I see that this "fiat dollars are not money because they are not a store of value" fact is made magnificently manifest by noting that at one time, when I was a kid, a dollar could buy a quite few yummy candy bars, each a delightful, delicious ambrosia of chocolate, caramel, nuts, sugar out the wazoo, artificial colors and various preservatives.

 

But today, with that same dollar, you can buy only one candy bar. If that!

 

So the lesson is: Fiat dollars are not a store of value.

 

This can be made abundantly clear of you think back, way back, to when you were a kid, and you were in bed at night, awake, silently seething with anger about something, and you made plans, lots of plans, dark, nefarious plans.

 

Perhaps one of them was "I am going to hang on to the next dollar I get, so that in the future when, one dark day of adulthood and I have had it up to freaking here with my whining wife, and my crazy, juvenile-delinquent kids, and some stupid butt-head boss who does not recognize my genius but who is instead always yelling at me about my getting to work 'on time', or not sleeping on the job. or ducking out early, or something, then I can take that dollar, go down to the store, and buy a handful of candy bars, eat them all at one time, cramming my mouth completely full, and get completely buzzed out of my mind on the sugar-high, blissfully forgetting my problems for a couple of hours. Yeah! That's what I'll do!"

 

And so, how did the plan work out? I'll tell you how. You have that one lousy dollar, to buy one lousy candy bar, and get one lousy, low-grade sugar-buzz for, what? A lousy half hour?

 

Anyway, I see I got off the subject by a long shot, when what I wanted you to know, in case you were pooh-poohing my terrific poem, is that it has apparently already had an effect, as we learn from a Bloomberg.com news item that China, perhaps inspired by my poem that gold is a store of value, is using their vast hoard of not-a-store-of-value fiat currencies to buy gold hand-over-fist, as implied by "gold imports from Hong Kong jumped by 94 per cent to 834.5 tonnes in 2012 with a monthly record of 114.4 tonnes in December."

 

According to numbersleuth.org, about 165,000 metric tons of gold have been mined in history.

 

This means that last year the Chinese bought one-half of one percent of all the gold mined in all of history, and judging by the exponential trajectory of their increasing imports of gold, it won’t be long until they have most of it!

Perhaps in that vein, as I don't know if the Chinese are involved in this, too, but Goldreport.com looked at the "delivery requests on the COMEX for the month of February, we see that they are reaching the astronomical amount of 43.26 tons of physical gold, or 1,391,000 ounces of gold to deliver."

To make sure we realize the significance of this, as I surely didn't, they go on that "since the ‘70s, it’s the first time that there is such a request for physical gold delivery from the COMEX."

It's as if everybody has suddenly heard and heeded the poet of the ages (me!), and are buying gold and silver at a feverish clip!

 I don't know if they are saying to themselves "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!" when they do, but they (as we poets would say) should, and could, and probably would if they knew they should!

 

One Smart Thing (OST)

The whole distressing thing is a big stink about nothing.  It started because of The Economist magazine, which unfortunately tends towards that whole ridiculous Keynesian crapola, but which nevertheless, and, I might add, quite paradoxically, had a very interesting article buried on page 75 titled "New Model army," with the subheads "Economics after the crisis" and "Efforts are under way to improve macroeconomic models."

 

First off, I immediately involuntarily laughed the famous Mogambo Laughter of Scorn And Contempt (MLOSAC) at this stupidity of "improving macroeconomic models," my voice dripping with undisguised scorn and contempt, as is implied in the title, which was, in case you forgot, Mogambo Laughter of Scorn And Contempt (MLOSAC).

 

Continuing with this seemingly pointless narrative, I laughed and laughed and laughed beyond the point where I was still actually amused at the idea of the government allowing changing the Keynesian strangle-hold on the economy, until I was finally reduced to loudly dyspeptic chortling, and with an additional angry, sarcastic, altogether snotty tone to my voice, going "Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw!"

 

This guffawing, for some reason, was upsetting to everyone at the office, and they were saying hurtful things like "Shut up! I'm on the phone here!" and even my own boss was yelling "Die, you Irritating Mogambo Bastard (IMB)!"

 

Apparently (and this is the crux of the matter) there are threats of lawsuits over alleged flecks of flying spittle, referred to by the Plaintiffs as Icky Mogambo Cooties (IMC), all according to entirely baseless allegations where evidence is sketchy -- at best! -- beyond the dozen eye-witnesses and those pesky video recordings which have CLEARLY been altered, by a person or persons unknown, to discredit me.

 

I cannot wait to argue my case in court, where my razor-like, legal-eagle razzle-dazzle will skewer the flimsy case of the whiny Plaintiffs, and expose them for the ridiculous, libelous and litigious morons that they are, which I will easily prove by dragging them to the witness stand, by the hair if necessary or if opportunity arises, and asking each of them, under oath, "Have you been smart enough to have been buying gold and silver bullion as part of your investment strategy to protect yourself against the terrifying, ruinous inflation in prices that will inevitably result from the insane levels of inflation in the money supply created by the Federal Reserve so as to feed the gulping, all-devouring gullet of the enormous, bloated, twisted, sick federal government?"

 

They will, of course, all tearfully admit under the relentless pummeling of my pointed questioning that no, they did not buy gold and silver bullion, and they are ashamed. 

 

As an aside, this is to be expected because they are members of "the majority of people," and there is an Iron Law Of Investing (ILOI), as in "inescapable mathematical imperative," that dictates that the majority of investors MUST be wrong most of the time, making them sure losers over the long term.

 

Otherwise, you would have the mathematical near-impossibility of a small minority of investors losing enough money most of the time to make winners of the vast majority of investors over the long term!  Think about it and say "Whoa! Ain't nobody that stupid!"

 

Pounding home the point, I would angrily bang my fist against the table, and ask the terrified witnesses "If the majority of investors were actually right, from where could their profits come, except from the small minority of investors who, boggling the mind, were monumentally wrong most of the time over the long haul?  And to also pay the enormous fees, charges, and expenses of the legions of middlemen and the relentless taxes of a ravenous government? Huh? Where? From where do you think the money could possibly come?  Answer me, puny Earthling! Resistance is futile!"

 

At about this time in my brilliant legal defense, the way I figure it, is when the judge is screaming for the Bailiff to haul me away and put me in jail where I never again get to eat delicious beef tacos, with their crunchy corn tortillas proving the perfect wrapping for a full layer of crisp, cool lettuce and delicious sour cream, plus a sweet salsa, whereupon I will wake up in a cold sweat, and then realize with a note of relief that I was dreaming the whole time, I am not really a lawyer, and the only things I know about law are from watching old episodes of Perry Mason on TV ("Objection, your Honor! This testimony is incompetent, irrelevant and immaterial!" "Objection sustained!" says the judge).

 

 

Anyway, the reason for my laughing so uproariously in the first place is that any "improvement" in the current Keynesian econometric stupidities will only be "allowed" if the "New! Improved!" models show a gnawing need for even MORE insane creations of money and credit, and a bigger and bigger government to regulate more people and businesses, and an even bigger and bigger government to help more and more people! Hahahaha!

 

Look! I'm laughing again! Hahahaha!

 

The Economist magazine blithely ignores my cruel taunting and disrespectful jibes, and continues merrily along, as if I don't even exist, gliding over the fact that Keynesianism is a complete, total failure, and merely noting that it is a real dud because it does not reflect "the financial system accurately, nor allow for the booms and busts observed in the real world."

 

The big problem is that the whole basis of Keynesian theory rests on the idea that economies and economic actors seek equilibrium, when any idiot knows that systems inexorably tend towards disequilibrium and chaos, as in obeying the laws of entropy, and it takes energy to keep that collapse from happening, which is, of course, the opportunity for successful capitalism.

 

The first job of these patch-'em and fix-'em guys is to, surprisingly then, "put banks into the models"!   Hahaha! I thought they were already in there! Who knew, huh? Hahaha!

 

The reason, The Economist magazine explains, that banks are NOT already in the stupid neo-Keynesian econometric models is because "macroeconomists thought of them as a simple 'veil' between savers and borrowers, rather than profit-seeking firms that make loans opportunistically and may themselves affect the economy." They did? Where have they been for the couple of last decades? Hahaha! Dorks!

 

And because I desperately want to know, exactly how DOES one mathematically describe the variable functions of banks making loans variously opportunistically, and variously in response to new and various governmental regulations and/or tax law, variously affecting the economy, especially when the foul Federal Reserve (a bank!) is permanently at the heart of it, purposely creating variously monstrous amounts of excess money and credit to satisfy the always-insatiable, gluttonous, ravenous appetite of the federal government for deficit-spending nigh unto bankruptcy and inflationary economic collapse?

 

Thus we learn that, if life was fair, this is where The Economist magazine would have put in a quote from me, perhaps along the lines of "The Marvelous And Wonderful Mogambo (TMAWM) is quoted as saying 'People who believe this preposterous neo-Keynesian econometric crap are morons, and I say this without fear of contradiction because it is blatantly obvious that it is not remotely possible to create such a monstrous huge clot of equations and their bastard derived-and-substituted offspring -- with the laughable precision of three decimal places, for crying out loud! -- about something as grossly inexact as human behavior that didn't have so incredibly much error built into every tiny piece of it that any real information -- if any! -- is immediately drowned out by the deafening statistical noise in such a bizarre, error-multiplying, iterative system, especially one that is That Freaking Big (TFB).'"

 

On the other hand, one can dispense with the dismal failure of all of that silly Keynesian hocus-pocus, and the expensive computers needed to run it, by just making the dollar be gold so that the money supply is fixed, let the government die and take its onerous, crippling tonnage of regulatory burden to hell with it, let the free market and sound money take care of business, and everything will be fine, to which I say "Hahahaha!" and let go with a hearty guffaw or two if you think that the government is going to allow that! Hahaha! Guffaw! Guffaw!

 

Since that is NOT going to happen by a long shot, to protect oneself from the coming financial disaster, one need merely do the One Smart Thing (OST), which is to buy gold and silver bullion, as is proved by thousands of years of history, replete as it is with governments containing the selfsame traitorous treacheries as the horrid Nancy Pelosi ("Let's all hurry up and vote for the Obamacare bill so that we can find out what's it!"), which is the horrifying history of governments and peoples doing these same, sad, silly, suicidal stupidities that have now killed us today, as in "We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)."

 

And with One Smart Thing (OST) having a fabulous 100% successful track record like that, how can one NOT buy gold and silver bullion, and oil stocks, too, and then chortle with a gleeful, gloating self-satisfaction while doing so?

 

The while the use of the phrase "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!" whilst doing so is, of course, entirely optional, you take it from me, and from Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) around the world and in this whole quadrant of the galaxy, that it feels so wonderfully good,  to finally be a guaranteed winner for a change, that the words just seem to come tumbling out.

 

Whee, indeed! Whee!

The soothing lullaby of the Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR)

January 22, 2013

Mogambo Guru

 

To vividly demonstrate how rude people can be these days, let me recount a recent experience at the grocery store.

 

A guy, we'll call him Tom, and he is coming across the parking lot to go into the grocery store behind me.  I recognize him, and, for me, it was a kind of reunion, and I thought he would be as happy to see me as I was happy to see him.

 

But he wasn't.

 

He had his ragamuffin wife and kids with him, and they were all apparently in some kind of bad mood as they trudged along towards me, and I could see them looking at me furtively, and hear them muttering amongst  themselves "Oh, no! It's that creepy old guy who is always trying to get us to buy gold bullion, silver bullion and oil stocks because the evil Federal Reserve has created so impossibly much money and credit that the inflation in prices will destroy us!"

 

At this I kind of beamed, and was pleased that he learned something about monetary policy from our earlier encounter!

 

Then I hear Tom say to his wife "And he even suggested that we dump the kids, because the deadweight burden of our own children will hasten our demise, and with the money we will save we could buy bullion because it is imperative that we own gold and silver, in which case we shall be rich, rich, rich, and then we can afford to get our own kids back, or buy as many new kids as we want!"

 

Well, regardless of your politics, ethics, morality, having even a shred of human decency, or what kind of inhuman monster could think up such a despicable idea, you gotta admit that the logic is, nonetheless, iron-clad.  But research shows that this "dump the kids and buy gold with the savings!" as a wealth-management idea never really, you know, resonated with investors.

 

Now Tom, in a rude kind of ugly way, snarls "Get out of my way, you idiot!" at me as he hurriedly brushes past!

 

Instantly, by virtue of my Mogambo Empathic Nature (MEN) combined with cursory brushes with genuine psychiatric/psychological mumbo-jumbo, I knew that 1) henceforth I would call him Turd-Face, and 2) that he was not actually angry with me, per se, but angry with himself.

 

The reason is that he is now embarrassingly revealed as, obviously, not following my Fabulous Mogambo Advice (FBA), which was to buy gold, silver and oil because the foul Federal Reserve is killing us with roaring monetary inflation which will inevitably produce roaring price inflation and insuring that, from a purely objective and scientific perspective, We're Freaking Doomed (WFD).

 

And the Fed has created the dollars, and price inflation was created, and the Fed is, and price inflation is, and the Fed will continue to create untold trillions more dollars every year, and price inflation will continue to get horrendously worse from here until, as you probably suspected, the aforementioned We're Freaking Doomed (WFD).

 

But ol' Turd-Face didn't buy them, and now he is here, and to look at him is to pity him, where angels weep for him, and the mocking voice of The Wrathful Mogambo (TWM) rings out loud and clear, "Moron!"

 

And speaking of rude, people ask me lots of rude questions, too, such as the popular question "Are you as stupid as you sound?", and "Do you ever shut up?", or the equally popular question "Do I have to call a cop?"

 

The answers are yes, yes and no.

 

Then again, sometimes they ask me intelligent questions, too, like about gold, as in "How much gold does the United States own, in total, including the gold stored at Fort Knox, and under the Federal Reserve, and probably at other places I don't even know about, and nobody knows about, because all the records have been altered by a bunch of lying, traitorous crooks who are stealing the gold to finance the impending invasion of extraterrestrial spaceships coming to conquer the Earth?"

 

Well, as far as "how much" gold there is, wikipedia.com lists the gold holdings of the "sovereign United States" as 8,133.5 tonnes of gold, which, at about 32,000 gold ounces per tonne, is 260.3 million ounces, which pretty much agrees with the figure of 261 million ounces claimed by the Federal Reserve, which, at $1,670, per ounce is a lousy $436 billion.

 

Those of you who parse everything I say, perhaps looking for Secret Mogambo Messages (SMM) about the pending invasion of the Earth by alien creatures from beyond time and space, doubtlessly have noticed that I said that the entire gold holdings of the Federal Reserve is a "lousy $436 billion," which I delightfully do with disdain because -- it's no secret! -- it's such a piece of chump-change!

 

I mean, the damnable, bankrupting, moronic, treasonous federal government DEFICIT-spends that selfsame $436 billion every three months! Which doesn't even count the $2.4 trillion spending in the federal government's budget that IS funded by actual taxes, duties and fees! Hahaha!

 

So, you can see why I am laughing at the gold in Fort Knox, when every bit of all that gold is only enough, measured in today's dollars, to replace the federal government's massive BORROWING for a few lousy months, and then the gold is all gone! 

 

And, perhaps more telling, is that very bit of gold held by the federal government would only pay for 6 weeks of government spending!   Hahaha! What a public-relations faux pas, which rhymes with "Hahaha!", which I point out for no particular reason, other than perhaps as a desperate cry for the help I so obviously need.

 

This means that the Federal Reserve will, instead of selling the gold and looking like a bunch of chumps, print the $1.6 trillion to buy the newly-issued government bonds over the next year, which the government will spend, which will cause the money supply to go up, prices will have to rise, people will suffer and complain, the economy will slow, round and round with more money, and more inflation, and more suffering at every turn until everyone realizes We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)!  Doomed I tells ya!

 

Which, if history is any guide, won't be long in coming, and, unfortunately, there ain't nothin' that anybody can do to stop it.  Soon and inevitable.  Ugh. Ergo my dismal outlook on things economic.

 

Sometimes this surprising fact is enough to elicit a life-changing, sudden, spontaneous flash of transcendental enlightenment, turning an average, unsuspecting man or woman, perhaps not unlike yourself in many ways, into an instantaneous, genuine Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR).

 

To be a JMR is to be characterized by being scared out of one's wits by the irresponsible, insane, incomprehensible madness of current monetary and fiscal policies that guarantee soaring price inflation, leading to the JMR to feverishly buy gold and silver in a panic-driven mania at the dire dread of the darkening doom, and to take advantage of the fact that these precious metals are so laughably, insanely, ridiculously undervalued right now.

 

The situation is indeed dire, and only the absolute, dead-bang, lead-pipe-cinch certainty that the prices of gold, silver and oil will go up, up and up, making oodles and oodles of luscious, life-changing, massive capital gains for its lucky owners, makes it all bearable.

 

Hence the soothing lullaby of the Junior Mogambo Ranger (JMR): "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"

The Grand Council Of The Universe

January 12, 2013

Mogambo Guru

 

I have been extraordinarily busy lately responding to an inter-stellar memo from Zygarb, the new hotshot poobah of the Grand Council Of The Universe, of whom I know nothing except that he is a dumb-ass jerk, he thinks that I am disrespectful, and that Earthlings are de-evolving back into the primordial slime because the un-fittest genetic mutants of the population don't die young anymore, but live and breed.

In particular, he demands to know that if, as an Earthling named Milton Friedman so famously said, that "inflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon," how come his stash of gold is not rising in price in tandem with the rise in prices, which John Williams, another Earthling, calculated in his Shadowstats.com website is over 9%?

Nine Freaking Percent (NFP)! Yikes! At that rate, prices will double prices in 8 years!

But as high and frightening as that is, it pales in comparison to the increases in the world's money supply as the central banks are creating, every day, insane amounts of money and credit to forestall the inevitable financial collapse of a stupid fiat-money economy, resulting in highly-indebted people, highly-indebted companies, highly-indebted governments and a bizarre, bloated, suicidal government-centric economy.

You, and Zygarb, are right to wonder why general prices are not soaring, and thus why gold is not soaring in price, and thus why you are not dancing around the house, giggling and laughing and saying "We're freaking rich!"

Well, Zygarb and you certainly have a good point, which is difficult to explain if you don't understand the concept of lag-time, which is where you do something now, and then something happens later as a direct result.

There are many kinds of lag time. The shortest one I have ever witnessed was one time when I wanted to borrow a few dollars from my wife so that I could get the hell out of the damned house and into some alcoholic beverage to celebrate, as I said, getting the hell out of the damned house.

I said only "Hey! Can I b…" before she instantly -- instantly! --said "No!" 

And it was almost another short-lag-time record when I instantly -instantly! -- realized that the REASON for the hissing, nasty way she said "No!" was because I was a lazy, good-for-nothing, paranoid lunatic whack-job, and she should have listened to her parents, and her friends, and everybody she knew, when they told her "Don't marry that Mogambo Moron (MM) because he is a lazy, good-for-nothing, paranoid lunatic whack-job," but she didn't listen to them, boo-hoo-hoo, and now I am going to hear all about it for the ten-thousandth time.

A much, much longer lag-time, now taking years, is that time between huge increases in the money supply (monetary inflation) and the huge rise in prices (price inflation) that must necessarily result.

Perhaps just by coincidence or by some kind of divine intervention, I dunno which, my attention was grabbed by the title of an essay, which was "Era of Monetary EXPLOSION Will Bring The Worst Inflation of Our Lifetimes."  It was written by Martin D. Weiss, of Money and Markets newsletter, and which expresses my sentiments exactly, including his use of all-capital letters in EXPLOSION, although I would have added, although it was implied,  "We're Freaking Doomed (WFD)!"

He says "the U.S. economy is stumbling, Japan’s economy is dead in the water, and Europe’s has sunk into the long-feared double-dip recession.

"What most people don’t realize is that the global economic weakness is actually a blessing in disguise … because without it, the dramatic expansion of money printing would already be causing an equally dramatic explosion in prices."

In short, the value of the dollar, and most other currencies, will continue to go down because the central banks of the world, including our own despicable Federal Reserve under the chairmanship of the equally-despicable Ben Bernanke, are creating so much money, but thanks to the moribund world economy, the damage will be gradual, if you think 9% inflation is "gradual," but it will ultimately be so, so much worse. Fatal, probably.

 

So buy gold, silver and oil with both hands, using all the money you have at hand, and with all the money you can borrow from neighbors, friends and relatives, because one day soon, like Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) at mogamboguru.com and everywhere across the universe, you will make merry when their prices soar, soar, soar because of the massively, insanely, unbelievable, continual creations of more and more money and credit.

 

And if you do buy gold, silver and oil, then, like the aforementioned JMRs on the aforementioned "one day soon," you will also, perhaps, exclaim gleefully "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"